As reported in last week’s Western Producer, the first batch of cheques in the federal government’s hog farm transition program will soon be issued. The idea is to pay hog producers to leave the industry for at least three years.
There’s something odd about paying farmers not to farm and producers not to produce but such policies are not unknown.
One man who saw irony in a British plan to limit hog production is Nigel Johnson-Hill, whose sarcastic letter was on the internet in June 2007. It recently came to our attention and we thought you might enjoy it.
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Johnson-Hill addressed his query to David Miliband, secretary of state for environment, food and rural affairs, the equivalent of our federal agriculture minister.
Dear Secretary of State,
My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for 3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would now like to join the “not rearing pigs” business.
In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? …I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. …
As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven’t reared. Are there any government or local authority courses on this?…
If I get 3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get 6,000 for not rearing 100?
I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about 240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about 2.4 million.…
Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don’t rear?…
In view of the above, you will realize that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits.
I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.
Yours faithfully,
Nigel Johnson-Hill
