Parents who want to stop cyberbullying must do a better job of monitoring and enforcing their children’s activities on the internet, says a retired police officer.
“One third of Grade 7-11 students have been cyberbullied. Three-quarters don’t call the police and 25 percent tell no one,” said Brian Trainor, a former sergeant with the Saskatoon Police Service who is on a crusade to help counter the explosion of cyberbullying by educating children and their parents.
Cyberbullying, which covers the targeting of individuals through social media, has been blamed on a number of high profile teen suicides in recent years.
Read Also
Nutritious pork packed with vitamins, essential minerals
Recipes for pork
The federal government hopes to pass anti-cyberbullying legislation by spring that would make it a crime to distribute intimate images on the internet without the consent of the subject. It will also update the Criminal Code’s wiretapping guidelines for electronic communication.
Trainor said numerous studies show that a child develops bullying tendencies at a young age, which often lead to bullying behaviour as a teenager. Studies show a high percentage of high school bullies eventually come in contact with the police and the criminal justice system.
“It makes sense because they haven’t learned of any other way of getting what they want.”
He said almost everything he experienced during his 27 years as a police officer involved some aggression and abuse. Bullying was pervasive.
“That why I’m doing this now be-cause I saw the terrible results of bullying. I’ve gone to 16 suicides in my career,” he said.
Trainor recently spent a day in Warman, Sask., speaking separately to middle and high school students and their parents. He gives parents with younger children a grade of B+ for their involvement in their children’s internet lives, but parents of teenagers receive a failing grade.
“The younger parents grew up with computers so they are comfortable with them and know the problems that can occur,” he said.
“Parents with teens are behind the eight ball.… You didn’t grow up with computers, they scare you and your teen is miles ahead of you in internet intelligence and you know it.”
His message is simple.
“Be the parent,” he told a group of parents gathered at Warman Middle School Jan. 9. “You’re not their buddy, you’re not their chum. You’re their parent. You set the rules. You’re their internet service provider…. You’re the one who gave them the cellphone, internet, computer and ebox. They didn’t buy it themselves. So why aren’t you watching over that.”
Trainor said children are really not using Facebook. The only reason they have a Facebook account is to appease their parents “and get you off their case,” he said. “They’re on Twitter and parents need to learn it.”
Trainor advised parents and teachers to look for certain popular apps that children have on their mobile devices, including Kik, Instagram, Snapchat, Vine, Pinterest and Tumblr.
Trainor advises parents to take the direct and honest approach to monitoring their children’s internet use.
“You tell them, ‘you show me your (Facebook) profile or you’re off.’ Be the parent. It’s as simple as that,” he said. “You’re checking boundaries…. It’s about safety, not trust.”
Parents also need to really observe their children and how they interact with their peers.
“Not all bullies are aggressive, big thugs. You’ve got some pretty smart kids who are underhanded and sneaky as can be. They’re as damaging or more damaging because they play a psychological game,” he said.
Feeling pity for the victims of bullying is of little value, he added.
“Forget the word sympathy. It’s a useless word. Replace it with empathy,” he said. “Kids have got to be taught to be empathetic…. Step into their shoes. Walk in their footsteps and feel what they’re feeling. Now that you know how bad they hurt, you feel their pain and helplessness.”
He said lawsuits are on the rise in Canada against those who cyberbully. Nothing is erased completely.
“People aren’t going to the cops anymore because the cops aren’t doing anything. They’re going to a lawyer and they’re suing,” he said.
Trainor describes the internet “as the wild, wild west,” where there are few rules.
“I think it’s incumbent on parents and educators to teach kids digital citizenship. What is expected online and how is this going to come back and bite you,” he said. “That’s the message to your kids. Think before you click send…. If you can’t show Grandma and Grandpa, Mom and Dad what you are about to send, you better hit delete and not send. Don’t do anything online you wouldn’t do offline.”
