Having recently endured and survived the hype of Hollywood’s Oscar night, we counter once again with the Eugene’s, a bevy of awards invented by the Western Producer to recognize people and events in the agriculture industry over the past 12 months.
The Eugenes were named in honour of former federal agriculture minister Eugene Whelan, that colourful man who brought a keen sense of theatre to his job on Parliament Hill.
This year’s award winners are weighted on the tragic as opposed to the comic side, in keeping with the big picture in agriculture of late.
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So, with minimal fanfare and without a 10-second delay to remove profanity uttered by the host, we present this year’s Eugenes.
Best Picture: Yet to be available for general viewing, the best picture will be the sight of Canadian cattle trucks crossing the 49th parallel on March 7.
Best Actor: Paul Martin, for his portrayal of an authoritative leader during the federal election, a masterful performance that successfully masked the true persona of Mr. Dithers.
Supporting Actor: Wayne Easter, parliamentray secretary to the federal agriculture minister, for making supportive noises on a recent cross-Canada tour to investigate the reasons behind faltering farm income.
Supporting Actress: The many farm women who support the farm by working at off-farm jobs.
Best Song: Stayin’ Alive, dedicated to all Canadian cattle producers still functioning in this second year of the BSE crisis.
Best Animation: Unsuccessful Canadian Wheat Board director candidate Art Mainil, for animating this year’s election with delays and a court challenge.
Longest running feature: The Hopper Car Blues, a nine-year saga that documents efforts of the Farmer Rail Car Coalition to buy grain hopper cars from a federal government that announced plans to sell almost a decade ago.
Most effective editing: The frost of August 2004, which edited excellent crops into dismal fractions of their former selves.
Adapted screenplay: Liberal budget 2005, for delivering on the promise of a tax cut which, at approximately $16 per person, is not really a tax cut.
Cinematography: R-CALF, for the additional drama instilled in the BSE crisis and for prolonging the agony of Canadian cattle producers.
Sound mixing: United States senators who are attempting to keep the border closed to Canadian cattle while urging Japan to employ “science-based” reasons to accept American beef imports.
Best producer: For her ever-inspiring, always surprising work, Mother Nature.
