Q: For the most part, my husband and I enjoy being with each other. 


But I hate shopping with him. 


Despite assurances that he will be more patient with me, he usually gets agitated, annoyed and sometimes downright rude when I don’t zip about my shopping as fast as he would like me to.


I like to take my time when I am shopping to make sure that I am getting the best deal, but he never seems to have the time I need and that is when our trouble begins. 


He probably takes less time spending thousands of dollars on a new combine than I do picking out new tea towels for the kitchen. 


I would like to help my husband learn to be more patient with me and I am looking to you to give me ideas.


A: You and your husband are clearly in a power struggle. He wants you to be more like he is and hurry up when you are in the stores. 


You want him to be more like you and give you more time buying.


One of you comes out of this a winner while the other slides into the losers’ circle. That does not bode well for your relationship.


Try stepping back to see what is happening to you and your husband to find a resolution to the conflict. 


You are what psychologists call a sensory thinker. You want as much information as you can find before you make a decision. You will take whatever time you need to learn as much as you can.


Your husband is an intuitive thinker. He is busy trying to anticipate what the future holds for him. If he believes something is happening, he wants to jump into it as soon as he can to take advantage of better prices, or at least cut down on some of his disappointments. 


He has to make firm decisions quickly and effectively and sometimes with only sparse information to guide him.


Both have their place. Sensory thinking is more effective in the supermarket, something your husband needs to recognize. He needs to give you the time you need to compare prices and measure quality. 


You should try to steer clear of him when he is contemplating the best time to load his truck with grain and get it to market. He will make more money for your family if he feels encouraged and appreciated in such tasks. 


Learn to respect fundamental differences between the two of you.

Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor 
from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.