In holistic management, the family starts by writing a goal that encompasses the quality of life it seeks, the nature of the work it wants to do for profit and the condition its resource base has to be in to sustain its enterprises indefinitely. The hardest part is writing the “quality of life” statement.
There is a difference between quality of life and standard of living. Standard of living simply describes the material aspects of our existence, such as running water, electricity, a forced air furnace, a vehicle, a television and a computer and all the other possessions a modern Canadian family accumulates.
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Standard of living also includes health care, education and physical infrastructure such as roads and bridges.
Quality of life includes standard of living, but it also includes the non-material things we value such as freedom, good family relationships, living in or near a vibrant community, a feeling of achievement, spiritual growth, love, financial independence and support from our family in reaching our personal goals.
The list can be as long as you want to make it and that’s where the problem lies. Making this list is hard because family members have to talk to each other about what really matters in their lives. They have to say out loud all those “touchy feely” things men seem to have trouble talking about.
There are two reasons men struggle with this:
- Our brains are wired differently than women. We are not as able to get in touch with what we are feeling, even in things that matter most to us, because we don’t have as big a bridge (called the corpus callosum) as women do between the two halves of our brains.
- Men are afraid that if we talk about what really matters to us, it will open a can of worms.
A participant in one of my courses said goal setting was the most important part of the 10-day program, which included financial planning, biological planning and analyzing management decisions, but he said he had been afraid to do it.
When I asked why, he said: “I was afraid that if we talked about this stuff, my wife might not want to be married to an old cowboy like me.”
What he didn’t know is that when people share their truth with each other, love grows.
Before we can write a collective goal for our family, we need to write our own personal statements, and that can be difficult. What kind of life do we want to lead? What kind of person do we want to be? How will we discover our life purpose and what do we have to do to express it?
The trick in identifying our own personal mission, or life purpose, is to stick to what is important, not how to get it. That comes later, through planning and consulting with the family. Here are some other questions that might help:
- What brings me joy?
- What is the source of my self esteem?
- For what, or whom, would I sacrifice my time, my energy, my health, my life?
- What are my gifts?
- What must I do to die with a sense of completeness?
The clearer you are able to be about your sense of personal mission, and the closer you are able to live in line with that mission, the more fun and sense of adventure you will have in your life, which adds up to higher quality of life.
And there is a bonus. We often spend money unnecessarily, trying to buy happiness, even though we tell ourselves money can’t buy happiness. We do this because when we have little or no money, getting some does make us happier because it allows us to buy basic needs and even comforts. As we buy more and more, however, the happiness quotient of each dollar spent is less.
We can still have more happiness or fulfillment, but it won’t come from buying more stuff. It comes from the other things we mentioned in our quality of life statement, such as leisure time, loving relationships and good friends. And these things are free.
Edmonton-based Noel McNaughton is a sponsored speaker with the Canadian Farm Business Management Council, which will pay his fee and expenses for speaking at meetings and conventions of agricultural organizations. To book him, call 780-432-5492, e-mail: farm@midlife-men.com or visit www.midlife-men.com.
