When we are young, we often have a big dream such as becoming the biggest farmer in the area. What we don’t recognize is that we subconsciously believe that success means our life will be great in all kinds of other ways, that wealth will also bring fame, intelligence, a great sex life and happiness.
Sometimes a man achieves his dream and becomes a bit insufferable, thinking he knows more than he does about all kinds of things. I have noticed that doctors and lawyers are prone to this failing, but they are not alone.
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No doubt you have met a successful rancher or businessman who has decided he is an expert in every subject, and is happy to inform you of his great knowledge. I have heard it described as a self-made man, in love with his maker. I call this the Ozymandias complex, after the 1817 poem by Percy Shelley. I think we all have it to a degree.
Shelley’s poem was referring to Pharaoh Ramses II. He lived to be 92 and ruled Egypt for 67 years from 1279 BC to 1212 BC. Ozymandias is a Greek derivation of one of his many Egyptian names.
Ozymandias
I met a traveler from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read,
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed,
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
Midlife can be a cure for the Ozymandias complex. We begin to realize our dream was largely an illusion, and we discover that
even if we are successful in a business or profession, we won’t necessarily be admired, have a great sex life, or live happily ever after. A cantankerous person who makes a lot of money is just a wealthy cantankerous person.
This realization can be quite a shock, and can lead to a midlife crisis. The stronger we held the dream, and the greater our early success, the bigger the shock it is.
One of the tasks at midlife is to recognize that the assumptions that go with the big dream were made by a youth, and were incorrect.
True happiness comes from recognizing what is, accepting things that cannot be changed and making the inner journey to discover our connection with the divine, however
we understand it.
The danger is that we will look outside for what can only be found inside. It shows up in all the stereotypical behaviours – suddenly being cowed out, leaving a wife, getting a young girlfriend, dyeing our hair, getting a sporty car, drinking too much, or becoming depressed, which in men often shows up as irritability.
How do we let go of our Ozymandias complex? I think the first step is to recognize that things didn’t turn out the way we thought, but our life is pretty much OK anyway.
Then we begin the inner journey.
This can include personal growth workshops, meditation, prayer, learning how to communicate better with our spouse and kids and deciding to be gentle with ourselves and others.
We accept that we are no more special than any other human being, but being an ordinary human is a big blessing in itself.
Edmonton-based Noel McNaughton is a sponsored speaker with the Canadian Farm Business Management Council. He can be reached at 780-432-5492, e-mail:farm@midlife-men.com or visit www.midlife-men.com.