I HAVE a beef with people like me. That is, people who write for the media. We are often not aware of the impact of our words.
Recently, I’ve heard several news stories about people dismissed from their jobs over allegations of financial or sexual offences.
As a pastor I’ve seen the shame such stories impose on offenders and victims. When the story airs, the social networks of both are disrupted. Listeners quickly divide into two camps: those who assume there must be substance to the allegations simply because they were reported, and those who express their support by refusing to consider any possibility that the reports might be true.
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Neither response is helpful. Offenders can’t talk about what they’ve done for fear of losing the support of the second group. Victims are forced to retell their stories endlessly to the first group or hide.
It spreads the harm to people who weren’t involved. Families and friends with no reason to be in conflict are divided as they pick sides.
Media shaming affects the victim almost as much as the offender. Most of us want to be seen as strong, capable, whole people, but the media report exposes one’s wounds to the world.
Victims imagine that others can’t look at them without thinking about their injury, visualizing how it happened, feeling pity or even disgust. Victims worry that others will assume they brought the harm on themselves.
It can be terribly shameful to have one’s injuries exposed. Some years ago I interviewed 35 farmers in bankruptcy proceedings. Each one told me they went to great lengths to avoid having their trouble become public.
They bought new clothes, furniture, even a new truck or grain bin. Of course the purchase put them further in debt, but they sent a signal to their community that they were doing fine, open for business.
It didn’t matter whether their financial woes were due to weather, weeds, world markets or poor judgment. None wanted their suffering to be visible to the community.
In their own eyes they were failures, forced to renege on their debts, unable to provide for their families. They couldn’t bear to see that failure reflected in the eyes of everyone they met.
A reputation takes a lifetime to build but a few words, irresponsibly broadcast, can destroy it. Many told me that when they lost their reputation, they felt they’d lost their life. Some ended their lives.
There is a biblical injunction that when harm occurs, only those necessary to right the wrong and heal the relationship should be involved.
So, one-on-one at first. If that fails, bring a witness. If the first two options are dangerous or don’t work, go to the community. Even there we have courts, people trained to gather evidence and weigh it, hear witnesses, assess appropriate punishments.
Too often the trial, conviction and punishment are carried out by we who are unappointed, unelected and untrained for such judgments.
Let’s use our words more carefully.
Cam Harder is associate professor of systematic theology at the Lutheran Theological Seminary in Saskatoon.
