I had an interesting conversation with my six-year-old daughter the other day.
“You don’t really think that cows poop root beer-flavoured jellybeans, do you?” I asked as we were driving to school.
“No, Dad,” she replied, with that tone of voice that suggested she would’ve
patted me on the head like I was the
six year old and she the grown-up had she not been strapped into her car seat at the time.
You see, my daughter received a toy cow as a gift recently. You can imagine my surprise when she excitedly demonstrated the cow’s unique ability to produce jellybeans from somewhere that I would rather food did not come from.
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The cow in question is about five centimetres high and made of plastic. It has an oval-shaped belly and four spindly, spring-loaded legs that, when pressed, cause the critter’s tail to rise and the jellybeans to drop out.
In a further distortion of bovine physiology, the jellybeans are loaded into the cow by popping open its smiling, hinged head and pouring them into its belly.
Now I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a city guy. But I do know a cow when I see one – most of the time – and I know that what comes out of the back end of a cow is not something I’d consider eating.
Here’s the problem.
My wife – a fully certified, Saskatchewan-raised farm gal – and I recently
purchased an acreage near Vanscoy, Sask. Among the reasons we bought it was that we wanted our children to be able to enjoy the various animals that one typically finds on a farm.
We don’t plan on having any cows on our little farm, but the notion that sweet treats fall from the hindquarters of any animal is not one I’d care to see my younger children entertain.
I have a horrible vision of walking out of the house one sunny Sunday afternoon and finding my soon-to-be three-year-old son tying into a “buffet” in the horse
corral.
It happens in slow motion, like in the movies, with my lowered voice screaming a drawn-out, “Nooooo” as I charge toward him, his hand slowly moving toward his mouth.
My other daughter, who will soon turn four, has expressed interest in getting a goat.
My wife thinks that’s a good idea because we can tether it in different places and it can eat the grass.
Right now, I’m not so sure why my daughter wants one.
