A friend of mine was consulting with a large ranch family a few years ago. There were seven adult siblings: five sons and two daughters, all married. All of the kids but one made their living on the ranch one way or another. The parents were reaching retirement age and trying to figure out how to turn it over to the adult children, and no one seemed to agree on who should manage what.
The family rented a local community hall and with my friend’s guidance worked out a plan in two days. The key strategy she used was to sit each couple at a separate table and ask them to figure out who they were without the ranch.
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When they figured out who they were as individuals and as couples and what their life goals were, it was much easier for them to figure out how those goals fit with the ranch operation. One couple discovered that their goals didn’t fit in with the ranch and they left to pursue other careers more in tune with those goals.
There are many reasons not to confuse who you are with what you do.
I have met people who at midlife have suddenly lost interest in what has been to that time a passionate lifelong career. I had that experience when at about 50 I suddenly lost my energy for teaching holistic management, which I had been passionate about for a decade. It really threw me for a loop because I had never thought about doing anything else. It could happen to you.
There are other reasons why you should think about who you are apart from your farm or ranch:
- Sudden injury or illness can mean you can’t carry on with your farm.
- The death of a spouse can radically change your outlook and life plans. Consider that 44.7 percent of women older than 65 are widowed, compared to 12.1 percent of men. The number is lower for younger ages, but death can visit us at any age. When I was in university, five other guys and I rented a house together. During the past 35 years, two of us have lost wives through illness and accident and one of the original six has died. That’s a 25 percent mortality rate
- The breakup of a farming partnership can force you to figure out how to restructure and even decide whether you want to.
- A financial crisis can cost you the farm, but that doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself.
I have read that in Zen philosophy, one always assumes that anything one owns is already either broken or gone, so one does not cling to possessions or occupations. When the things are eventually broken or gone, there is little stress because it was “already gone when you got it.”
With that in mind, here is a little exercise to do with your spouse or entire family to help figure out who you are without your farm:
- Assume you have already sold or lost your farm.
- Write down what you want to be, do and have in your life, whether you own a farm or not.
Here are questions to get you started:
- What do I love about the farm?
- Under what other circumstances can I get that?
- What would I love to do, but can’t, because I am on a farm?
Do this individually and then get together as a couple or family and talk about your answers. Chances are you will be surprised at what you discover and it might even help you see that your farm is just a means of accomplishing your life goals, rather than a demanding taskmaster that keeps you from realizing your dreams.
Edmonton-based Noel McNaughton is a sponsored speaker with the Canadian Farm Business Management Council, which will pay his fee and expenses for speaking at meetings and conventions of agricultural organizations. To book him, call 780-432-5492, email: farm@midlife-men.com or visit www.midlife-men.com.
