Adult developmental expert Erik Erikson says that in mid-life we need to give birth to a new way of being in the world.
He calls this creative process generativity, which means we begin to be concerned with others beyond ourselves and our immediate families. We begin to care more for future generations and the world we pass on to them.
Erikson noted that when people fail to develop caring qualities of personality in their middle years, they fall into self-absorption, stagnation and eventual despair. I’ve met a number of older people like that: they are bitter that the world doesn’t “treat them right,” but they are making no significant contribution themselves.
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Sixty years ago Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung decried the absence of preparation for and by people as they embark “wholly unprepared upon the second half of life.”
Jung asked: “How many of us older persons have been prepared for the second half of life, for old age, death, eternity? Are there colleges for 40-year-olds that prepare them for their coming life and its demands?”
Paula Hardin of Chicago did her doctoral research on the choices of middle adulthood that impact the second half of life. She too discovered two kinds of people, which, like Erikson, she called generative and self-absorbed.
The names pretty well describe them. Some people seem to only focus on themselves as they age while others focus more on their contribution to the world.
Here are some characteristics of generativity, based on Hardin’s research. She found that generative people usually:
- Have evolved a generous
view of others and of the world. This includes maintaining a forgiving stance toward human faults and inadequacies.
- Give noticeably more away financially.
- Form a positive and caring relationship to nature.
- Are in a process of personal integration and self-understanding.
- Have had a pivotal event or events that led to transition experiences. Everyone has such events, but generative people use them to grow and expand while others protectively withdraw and blame.
- Simplify their lives. Generative people take time to be reflective and gain the insights needed to clear away clutter and confusion. They learn to set limits.
- Have the courage to change. This means both inner and outer conditions.
- Describe themselves as spiritual. They trust God and they trust the life process.
- Are committed to continued learning. Generative people often return to school as adults, spend considerable time learning on their own and regularly attend
workshops and classes.
Hardin says generativity is a process and travellers on this road develop the caring that paves the way to a rewarding future.
Caring helps us avoid the pitfalls of the other road that calls us seductively into an ever increasing concern with ourselves: what we eat and wear; how we feel; how offended we are by perceived slights from others; how much we blame our problems on others and how much we demand attention and feel sorry for ourselves.
Those who choose this road feel increasingly irrelevant. Eventually despair, meaninglessness and hopelessness dominate every day of life.
The good news is that we are given many opportunities to choose the road called generativity. The fictional character Scrooge won our hearts as he chose to change his life from a curse to a blessing. The road of generativity does not necessarily look peaceful or calm because all change and growth is disruptive.
Generativity beckons us to be newly open to places, people, ideas, growth, beauty, dreams, hopes, giving and rewards. I believe becoming more generative is one of the keys to a fulfilling life and we start becoming more generative by deciding to do so.
Once the decision is made, we
just follow the simple rules for a good life:
- Exercise.
- Eat healthy food.
- Pay attention to our spiritual life.
- Make a contribution in our community, including spending time with and mentoring younger people. Hardin’s research showed that 86 percent of generative people had a role model or mentor who showed caring for others, while only 31 percent of self-absorbed people had such a role model.
- Decide what we want to be, do, have and contribute before we die and work toward those things.
- Learn to feel all our feelings and express them, especially telling people we care about that we love them. I have met many men whose fathers have died without either of them telling the other they loved them.
May we all become more generative in our old age.
Edmonton-based Noel McNaughton is a sponsored speaker with the Canadian Farm Business Management Council, which will pay his fee and expenses for speaking at meetings and conventions of agricultural organizations. To book him, call 780-432-5492, email: farm@midlife-men.com or visit www.midlife-men.com.
