HANLEY, Sask. – The women wanted to see blood and bruises.
They said there wasn’t enough terror in the Fear on the Farm video they watched as part of a rural awareness conference of the Saskatchewan Battered Women’s Advocacy Network.
“My gut reaction is it’s too pretty. … You can go for months or years without finding someone to listen to you without them asking ‘what did you do?’ ” said Helen after viewing the film about domestic violence on the farm. The women are not fully named in order to protect their identities.
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Another said she thought it was phony.
“I lived in a farming community for four years and I was repeatedly abused. I reached out but they went to my abuser and it got 20 times worse.”
Maria said the film needed to be more realistic. She asked “why feed the public Pablum? Can’t they chew steak?”
Their criticisms were fine by Elaine Kacsmar, co-ordinator of the event. She wanted the video to get people talking. She showed the 1993 film as part of an educational push by the Saskatchewan Women’s Agricultural Network.
After the film, women in the hall of this central Sask-atchewan town shared why they or women they knew remained with men who beat them.
Little support given to an outsider
Along with the geographic isolation of a farm with no close neighbors, no public transport and vehicles controlled by the men, the women also cited the rural way of life. There is shame in letting people know your family is not doing well. There is no support when a woman tells her story because she’s the “import” and her husband’s family has been in the district running the farm for decades. There is public shunning when the woman and her former partner show up at the same community dance or supper.
Connie said when she left her abusing spouse she was not allowed in the local bar because the owner and her husband were friends. She was also told by unemployment insurance staff that quitting her job to return to her home town after leaving her abusive spouse was not a good enough reason to get UI payments.
Pat said there is a power in coffee row where men can talk to the local RCMP, minister, doctor or banker and turn these potential allies against the woman.
Ways to help
But there are ways others can assist abused women. Cindy Hoffman helped found a group to educate her central Saskatchewan community. The Dundurn, Hanley and Kenaston Citizens Against Family Violence formed two years ago.
At the first meeting a woman said there was no domestic violence in the area because any woman hit by her partner would just leave. That was countered by another who said her mom had been beaten for years. Then the local RCMP said they were familiar with a dozen cases in the area. From that meeting it just exploded, said Hoffman.
Now the group holds monthly meetings, rotating among the three towns. An average of 20 people come to discuss dating abuse and suicide, as well as family violence.
“We’ve got funding from every service group in the three communities … and a tremendous support from men. Our RCMP here are beyond belief. We just can’t say enough about the support,” said Hoffman.
She said since the group formed, three or four women have left abusive partners. For those still in such a relationship, the group members offer visible support by talking to the women. It can be a difficult line to walk, said Hoffman.
“We don’t want to be known as an overbearing group that will barge into houses and make accusations.”
Other suggestions included acknowledging the woman’s situation, listening to her, or offering babysitting or a ride to get away. People should encourage values that are non-violent in their children, said Helen.
Hoffman puts posters up in all the public bathrooms in the area’s halls and arenas providing phone numbers in case of sexual assault.
