When Ted (not his real name), who ranches in southern Alberta, was in his early 50s, he started “feeling cornered” by external circumstances.
He couldn’t even make a decision about what to do on the ranch. He said if he had two things to do on a given day, he couldn’t figure out which one to do first.
He started feeling paranoid, as though the government, the oil companies who had leases on his land and even the feed salesperson were out to get him.
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Ted was prescribed an antidepressant and said he felt mentally sharper than he had in many years. I have several other friends my age who also went on antidepressants for a year or two in their early 50s and found it helpful.
When I was in the midst of andropause a few years ago, which is often incorrectly called male menopause, I too went through about five years of mild depression. I didn’t realize what it was at first. I thought I was just feeling kind of punk, was more irritable than I used to be and had lost interest in what I used to do. I thought if I could find something new to be passionate about, I would feel fine. My wife Elizabeth, who is a psychologist, helped me identify it as mild depression.
I went through a period where I would suddenly feel anxious and turn pale for about 10 minutes twice a day: mid-morning and mid-afternoon. This went on for about four months. Elizabeth would notice I was looking pale and ask me if something was wrong. I would say I felt a bit anxious, but didn’t know why.
I never did see a doctor about it, but mentioned it once during a regular medical. My doctor said if I ever wanted to just talk about stuff, I could come and see him. I said, “thanks, I’ll think about it”, but never did. If I had wanted to see a professional for talk therapy, I would have gone to a psychologist, but I didn’t do that either.
I have since discovered that depression is common among middle-aged men and it can have serious consequences. Professor Robert Goldney from Adelaide University is an international expert on suicide. In his private practice as a psychiatrist he treats plenty of middle-aged men.
“It may sound simplistic, crass even, but this is the reality of it: depression, depression, depression,” he says. “If you could get rid of all depression, you could eliminate 50 percent of suicides.”
Goldney says part of the problem is that men aged 25 to 65 generally don’t talk about their depression. They don’t turn to a doctor or a counsellor for help.
“In some ways, depression is not in the vocabulary of these men,” he says.
I didn’t want to go on an antidepressant because I felt what I was going through was a normal part of life and that it would pass.
Eventually it did, and I am still not sure whether an antidepressant would have been a better choice than toughing it out. Had I been seriously depressed, as in when you can barely get out of bed in the morning, I would definitely have gone on medication.
Statistics say women are twice as likely to suffer from depression as men, but that may not be true because men are much harder to diagnose. Women tend to look inward when something is wrong, asking questions such as “what could be wrong with me” while men tend to look outward, asking “what is wrong with my wife, the neighbours, the government, the world?”
I have read it can take three doctors and up to 10 years for a depressed man to be properly diagnosed because it doesn’t occur to him he could be depressed. He also denies it’s possible, because many men see depression as a sign of weakness, and thinks things would be better if the other people in his life just treated him right.
If you are wondering whether you might have a touch of depression, here are typical symptoms:
- Depressed mood most of the day, every day.
- Mood swings: one minute high, next minute low.
- Lack of energy and loss of interest in life.
- Irritability and restlessness.
- Disturbed sleep patterns: sleeping too much or too little.
- Significant weight loss or gain.
- Feelings of worthlessness and guilt.
- Difficulty concentrating and thinking clearly.
- Loss of sex drive.
- Thoughts of death and the
option of suicide.
If you discover you are depressed, do as I say, not as I did, and at least see your doctor. Also, keep your wife in the loop about how you are feeling. It can make a big difference in your relationship.
Edmonton-based Noel McNaughton is a professional speaker, coach and writer who specializes in guiding men and women through the uncertainty of life transitions. He can be reached toll-free at 877-736-1552. Website: www.midlife-men.com.
