Q: I was caught off guard the other day when my 11-year-old son told me that he would prefer to be home-schooled.
I am a single parent mom, and although I have only one child, caring for him while holding down a full-time job and keeping up with my commitments to the community is almost more than I can handle.
I don’t have time to supervise a home-school program. It is out of the question.
But what really got me going was why my son wanted to home-school in the first place.
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He has always done well at school. He gets on well with his teachers and generally sits near the top of his class when he is given a quiz or any kind of a grade. I did not understand what was going on.
Finally, after much harassing and nagging from me, my son told me that a group of boys is bullying him almost daily, both on the playground, in the lunch room and in the hallways when he is going from one classroom to another. This of course is unacceptable. My son should not be bullied. But I am not sure what to do about it.
Grandpa says that he will teach my son how to defend himself. He thinks that if my son threw the occasional punch at one of his antagonists he would soon be left alone. That seems to me to be a little on the extreme side, but I am not sure about our options. What do you think?
A: Chances are pretty good that Grandpa’s suggestion that your son physically defend himself will not work. Most bullies pick on those whom they believe they can beat, either physically or socially. While challenging them might be honourable, it will not necessarily lead to better treatment for your son. It could be the reverse.
Your best option is to work with your son’s school to help him resolve his problems with his classmates.
Most schools these days are sensitive to the problems bullies can cause and they will work to resolve whatever dissention they are picking up between their classmates.
The problem for the school is that its teachers cannot be in all places at all times. Bullies have a remarkable sense of the discrete and will most often go after your son when they are least likely to be seen. Your son’s teachers might not even know that he is being harassed.
You need to meet with his primary classroom teacher to help her appreciate how much your son is struggling in school and you should probably spend some time with the school principal to review with him the school’s policies on bullying.
Your final stop, which most likely will not be required, is with the chair of the school board, whose responsibility it is to ensure that schools in the district are safe for all students.
You realize that your son is going to be horrified when he hears that you are going to solicit the school’s resources to help him deal with those kids who are bullying him.
He is going to tell you not to do it. He is afraid that once the word goes out that his mom is being somewhat proactive, those kids who are his greatest challenges are going to be even more abusive toward him. But he is wrong.
Research tells us that the more bullies are exposed, the more likely it is that they will shy away from their moments of harassment. It may take a couple of weeks but life after your assertive claims will be better for him.
