A challenging task adult children often have with elderly parents is to get them to accept that they cannot continue to drive.
Mobility by car is precious to aging people if they have physical problems that otherwise restrict them from getting around.
In rural areas a vehicle is a person’s main connection with others.
Many seniors recognize their limited driving skills and the slowdown in their reaction times and vision. They may choose not to drive after dark or at busy traffic times. They may stick to a few routes they know well. They may drive slower and look more carefully at every intersection that comes up.
Read Also
Stock dogs show off herding skills at Ag in Motion
Stock dogs draw a crowd at Ag in Motion. Border collies and other herding breeds are well known for the work they do on the farm.
Most seniors learn to adapt their driving to their aging. I know of one gentleman in his mid 90s who drives to the golf course every day it is open.
However, winter driving presents more hazards to senior drivers, and at times, they need to overcome pride and stubbornness and let
family and friend make those trips with them.
Some don’t recognize their limitations and resent being told they cannot drive anymore.
Eleanor Cade’s book, Taking Care of Parents Who Didn’t Take Care of You (Hazelden 2002,) shares creative ways adult children were able to help parents accept giving up driving.
One daughter knew her mother was becoming an unsafe driver because of increasing dementia. She realized she had to take the car away from her.
But instead of demanding the keys, she told her mother that she was worried about her driving, and added gently, “we are afraid you might harm a child when you drive.”
Her mother replied with understanding, “I would never want to do that,” and handed over her car keys.
One man’s father had always resisted giving up his car. His vision and reaction times were failing, yet he was a person who wanted and got his way. One day this man had a near miss that frightened him so much that he called his son and said, “I have no business driving.”
The son immediately went to his father’s and took the car away before he could change his mind. The next day, his father was angry at him for doing that, but what had to be done had been done.
Motor licence offices can help. If a doctor sends a note indicating concern about a person’s ability to drive safely, the person can be required to take a driving test. This takes the decision out of the family’s hands.
Cade advised being honest with an elderly person about driving issues. They may be angry for a while. They also may become depressed. But dealing with those feelings is better than having a tragic accident harm them or others.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www.sasktelwebsite.net/petecope.
