Q: My mother thinks that my husband is an alcoholic. He says he isn’t and that he can quit drinking anytime he wants to. I am not sure what to think. I know that my husband likes his drink but I am not sure at what point this turns into alcoholism. Do you have any suggestions to help me decide whether or not my husband is an alcoholic?
A: I think the question is whether he drinks too much. Some people drink a few drinks every night after work. Others don’t drink every night, but drink way too much when they get to the party on Saturday night.
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If you think that he is drinking too much or too often, then you have a problem, and you and he have to work it out.
Ask yourself if his drinking is interfering with his life. Nursing a hangover when he should be out harvesting on a beautiful day is not a good sign. Neither is getting intoxicated at his daughter’s birthday party.
If he is rude to you and your neighbours when he is drinking, if he is running your bank account dry to have a few more drinks or if he is abusive toward his children, you have a problem and so does he.
Many people with serious alcohol problems will stop drinking for a few days every now and then, just to kid themselves that they do not have a problem.
Can your husband control himself when he is around alcohol? It is called self-regulation.
One of my colleagues used to challenge people who might have alcohol problems by suggesting they have one drink a night, no more and no less, for the next four weeks. Those with serious alcohol problems seldom made it past the first two or three nights before they were having just one more drink, and then another and another.
The good news for you is that you do not have to be in this thing all by yourself. Most of the people in either Alcohol Anonymous or Alanon would be happy to talk to you about whether your husband has a problem with alcohol and if so, what you and he can do about it.
Your health department has addictions counsellors. They are there to help both you and your husband. You do not have to decide whether your husband is an alcoholic. You just have to decide whether he is drinking too much, whether his drinking is interfering with his daily responsibilities, or whether he is able to control himself when he is around alcohol.
Answering yes to any of those questions is cause enough to ask for help from those who know more about alcohol abuse than you do.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
