Q: I am a 72-year-old widow. My grandson is 15. He lives with me and physically attacks me. I do not want the police to deal with him because despite his behaviour, I still love him.
A: If you were attacked by a stranger on the street, would you not report it to the police? If your grandson is making threats to you or even intimidating you by his size, strength and attacks, you need help, and you need it right away.
For your protection, you need to stand up for yourself. You may love him, but you also need to learn to love and take care of yourself. Sometimes when we feel lonely or depressed it is hard to stand up for ourselves. The fact that you wrote me a brief note shows you realize you have to do something.
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Contact the nearest RCMP victim-services co-ordinator. Your local detachment will have the phone number. This service will help you make plans to be safe. Ask about the nearest shelter for abused women. You are being abused and if you are afraid for your safety, you need to have a safe place to stay for a while.
If your grandson has a problem with controlling anger, he needs to be confronted about it.
You are not responsible for his behaviour. By involving the police you will protect yourself and also see that he gets the help he obviously needs. The Young Offenders Act can help a convicted youth face his actions, but also can see that he gets direction and support before he ends up doing more serious damage.
He may need to live somewhere else for a while until he learns to control his anger.
If you are worried about him getting a criminal record, young offenders’ records are kept private and never opened if as an adult, they do not end up facing more criminal charges. Also mediation is often used by the courts as an alternative to a formal record. This is a process through which he learns to accept the effect of his behaviour on you, and decides to make changes in himself in the future.
I realize you may love him. But taking care of yourself is one way to show him you love yourself as well as him. If you do nothing, you put yourself in further danger and teach him that it is OK to continue what he has been doing.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www.sasktelwebsite.net/petecope.
