Q: A friend is in hospital and not doing well. I want to visit him, but feel nervous about doing so. I am afraid of saying the wrong thing or that I will end up crying. Should I just send flowers or a card?
A: Visits from friends are important for people in hospital, especially when they are not doing well. When you visit in person you give the “gift of presence.” By just being there you tell that person that he is important to you.
If you are nervous about visiting, try the following.
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Before going to the hospital, write your friend a letter in which you share your respect, caring and concern. Share your emotions. The letter doesn’t have to be perfect.
When you get to the hospital, try to relax. If you decide not to visit you can leave the letter at the nursing station.
Don’t start a visit by commenting on how the person looks. Instead, say something like, “I’m sorry that you are sick,” or “I wanted to come to let you know that I am
thinking of you and care for you.”
It is fine to share a bit about what you have been doing, but keep this short, unless your friend asks more questions.
Then reach out, and if he feels OK with it, gently touch his hand. Feelings can often be communicated more easily by touch than by words.
If your friend does not want to talk at first, tell him you would like to sit with him for a while and enjoy his company.
Don’t worry about crying. Tears are our way of sharing feelings and feelings are a part of us.
If you have a letter, you can offer to read it to him or leave it for him to read later.
Many hospitals relay e-mail
messages. You can often find their administrative e-mail address on their websites. If you don’t own a computer, a local librarian will help with this task.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www.sasktelwebsite.net/petecope.
