Q: My sister’s daughter was killed in a horrific car accident recently. No one is entirely sure what happened. Her vehicle, or what was left of it, was found on a country road not far from her dad’s farm. It is so sad.
My niece was wonderful and well liked in the community, was getting registered to return to university in the fall and had just spent the summer helping her parents repaint all of the buildings on the home site.
The real problem is my sister. She is overwhelmed with grief. None of us know what to do or say. This was her only child. Without her, my sister seems to be totally lost. It is like she is living in some kind of a haze. I do not know what to do.
Read Also
Nutritious pork packed with vitamins, essential minerals
Recipes for pork
Can you think of anything that the rest of us might do?
A: These are difficult times for all of you. You have two problems. One is your own grief over the death of your niece.
As much as you might want to help your sister, you are not likely to have much of an impact until you have reached some kind of a resolution yourself.
I am not suggesting that you ignore your sister. I simply want you to understand that your grieving is as important as your sister’s and the more that the two of you can simply be together, the better it could be for everyone.
The other problem is how to help your sister. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could find the right thing to say at the right time to a grieving parent? I never know what to say. From what I have seen and heard, that is probably true for most people.
What grieving parents want desperately is to have their children come back but the horrible reality is that is not going to happen.
They have to come to terms with that and the rest of us have to let them. All that we can do is listen and support them as best we can.
When you are with your sister, don’t offer advice.
Instead, listen to her when she wants to talk and just be with her when she wants to have a moment in silence.
Don’t abandon her. The rest of the community and her friends and neighbours will get back to their daily responsibilities soon, well before your sister has come to terms with her grief. That is when she will need you most.
