Q: How can I get my husband to see a doctor for regular medical checkups? He is in his 50s and in reasonable health, but thinks seeing a doctor is a sign of personal failure. Is there any cure for this testosterone-based stubbornness?
A: Stubbornness is caused by one’s thinking and beliefs, rather than by hormones or genetics. Men are socialized to take care of themselves, and often believe they should be able to handle anything that happens to them.
That is false and dangerous information. The only cure for such stubbornness is for a man to accept that he is both mortal and aging.
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A recent television program described bull riding as the most dangerous sport in the world. Despite being thrown off, stepped on or kicked by a one tonne bull, some bull riders believed they lose face as men if they don’t get on the next bull, despite their bruises or cracked ribs. Their reputation is more important than reason and health.
Men need medical checkups throughout their lives, but more so after the age of 50. Early detection is a far better cure than trying to repair damage that diabetes, heart conditions or prostate cancer can bring. Blood pressure and cholesterol checks, stress tests, urine and fasting blood analyses are ways to catch many of these diseases of aging before they get an unbreakable grip on a person’s life.
Don’t tell your husband what to do. Tell him your concerns about not having his love and companionship in later years. Tell him about the things you look forward to doing together.
When men tell me they don’t like having regular medicals, I ask them, “do you want to see your grandchildren born and be around to help raise them? If you do then for their sake, get an annual medical.”
A woman in her 50s who had contracted polio when she was younger, once wrote in an article in the Western Producer that she would sit in her wheelchair at the corner of Portage and Main if it would persuade people to get the vaccine for themselves and their children.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www3.sk.sympatico.ca/petecope.
