Q: My husband and I were asked to meet with the principal of the school to talk about the behaviour of our second oldest boy. Apparently he has been a bully, picking on the smallest and weakest kids in Grade 8 and seems to take great delight in embarrassing them in front of the other kids.
All of this is new to us. We thought we were raising our boys to be caring and sensitive people, to support and encourage others and/or to accept those who were not quite as affluent as our boys are. I guess that we were wrong. The bullying has to stop but saying no to bullying seems to be insufficient. What can we do to not only right this wrong but to ensure that our son does not get caught in this again?
Read Also
Nutritious pork packed with vitamins, essential minerals
Recipes for pork
A: The fix-it package for bullying has more than just saying no to bullying in its arsenal of goods. The question for you is if bullying is wrong, then why would he continue to do it? What is in it for him?
If your son is bullying other children just for the sake of it, and not because he is trying to avenge bullying that disrupted his life in years past, you can bet that he is playing to some social dynamic.
He is getting social acceptance from his classmates that he fears he will not otherwise get. The target is not his victim but his friends. He wants to be accepted by them and he sees his power over his victims as a route to them.
To best help your son, review with him other options for making friends and achieving social acceptance. The options may not bring the fast and furious response that he is getting from being the bully but the options lead to commitments that people make to each other.
He can sit in the dressing room after a hockey game and razz the smaller and less effective teammate who was on the ice when the other team scored the game winning goal and maybe the other guys in the room will laugh.
On the other hand, he can sit in the dressing room and listen to and support that same player.
He will not get the explosion of social approval from his teammates but he will increase the chances of making a lifelong friend, and one who will be there for him one day.
Successful businesspeople, politicians and high school social success stories all have one thing in common. They know how to listen.
Teach your son to do the same and then watch that bully part of him evaporate in the aura of real and genuine popularity.
