Q: I love watching my husband when we go out for an evening. He can walk into a room of strangers and by the time we are set to go, he has a number of them patting him on the back like they are long lost friends.
I can’t do this. I have not yet been able to figure out what he does that makes him so attractive to others. If I understood what he is doing, I might be a little more comfortable with my own forays into a social world. I mostly sit and wait for the evening to end. Can you figure this out?
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A: The trick is not just to watch but to know what you are watching. If he is with people he is not familiar with, he is not likely to be brazen or brash, he is likely listening. People love it when someone is listening to them.
The more he listens, the more that strangers connect with him. He is on his way to making friends.
That must be a tremendous confidence maker. Most likely when he is at home, he might admit to being unsure of himself at times. But with the confidence he has when meeting people, he is different out there than he is at home.
Socially successful people do not worry about whether they are going to be liked by other people. They have some kind of innate confidence.
Compare that to those who struggle socially. They are often so busy wondering who is around who might possibly like them that they do not listen and therefore do not connect.
People who struggle socially do not have fun when they meet new people. Your husband does. The more fun he is having, the more that people are attracted to him and the more attracted they are to him, the more fun he has.
It is a delightful circle. My guess is that if you also had more fun when you joined your husband in his social enclaves, you too would find your share of companions.
