Q:We are getting rain almost daily and it is driving my husband crazy. He has a decent crop of hay sitting out in the fields but it has rained so much, he cannot get it off . My husband is either cranky or nasty to all of us or he is sitting in front of the television with a beer. I can understand my husband’s frustration but I do not think that gives him the right to abuse us. What do you think?
A:Regardless of the level of frustration challenging your husband, he does not have the right to abuse you or your children.
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People deal with frustration in different ways. Some give up. They know that they cannot do anything about the rain, or whatever it is that is frustrating them, so they bury themselves in distractions and give in to their misfortunes.
Other people lock onto their frustrations and challenge them as much as they can. They are going to get that crop off the field regardless of the rain and they will risk both their machinery and good health to do so. Challenging frustrations with irrational determination can be dangerous.
If your husband is locked into negative habits, taking risky and unnecessary chances or has given up, his stress level may be overwhelming. He might find it useful to talk to someone who can understand the frustrations crossing his path. Farm stress lines are open to all farmers and offer a chance to talk about frustrations with someone who understands the complexity of farm management.
The goal for all farmers caught in a difficult year is to recognize and accept their frustrations and try to deal with them by compromising their personal and professional goals.
Successful farmers build options for themselves. When faced with difficulties, they might cull their herds to reduce feed needs. Maybe they will look for alternative sources of hay. Some will find work off the farm and try to supplement their incomes with seasonal employment, while others will try to rework their operating budgets.
Those who compromise their goals and adapt to the situation come through the hard times with a greater sense of self worth than those who either give up in the face of hardship or irrationally challenge their misfortunes. The compromisers are easier to live with and are less likely to be rude and abusive to those who love them the most.
The rain will stop and hay will be harvested. Those who earlier compromised their goals are now sitting with a crop and that more than compensates for their earlier compromises.
Unfortunately the preferred way to cope is not available for everyone. Some carry with them an anxiety that goes beyond the resolution of late summer storms.
The frustration and anxiety are unrelenting and a little extra assistance is needed to get things back on track.
If your husband continues to be frustrated after the season has passed, the two of you can look toward professional assistance to help him. Your family physician can refer you to your local mental health team and targeted programs to help your husband work through his frustrations.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
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HOW TO GET HELP
Farm stress lines across Canada:
•In Saskatchewan, call 800-667- 4442, 8 a.m. -9 p.m., Monday to Saturday (excluding statutory holidays)
•In Manitoba, call 866-FOR-FARM (367-3276), 10 a.m. -9 p.m., Monday to Friday
•In Alberta, call the Help Line 877-
303-2642
•In Western Ontario, call 888-451- 2903, 8:30 a.m. -8 p.m., Monday to Friday
