One of the most important things in life is to let people know your needs.
People hesitate to do that in our society. They feel ashamed if they need help. They have the false belief that they are superman or superwoman and can handle everything that comes their way. They assume that if they need help, others will respond automatically. Yet if people don’t know what you need, how can they offer help?
An elderly gentleman living in a rural area found a way to let people know that he could use some help. He was a handyman but he was getting on in years. After he hit his 90s, his physical strength and sense of balance began to suffer.
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A few shingles on his roof needed to be replaced. Being the independent, caring man that he was, he didn’t want to bother other people with his problems. So he got the ladder out of his shed and leaned it up against the roof.
He then decided to take a coffee break before getting on with that task. Perhaps he realized he needed to rest after lugging the ladder around.
Everyone knew about his strong sense of independence and generally respected it. But a neighbour saw the ladder leaning up against the house and was concerned about his safety. He came over and told him to give him the hammer, shingles and nails. The neighbour offered to fix the roof since he was much younger and had the strength and balance to go up without slipping.
Despite the elder’s protests, the neighbour did the repairs and then they had coffee together.
This older gentleman was known for having a strong mind – a polite way for saying that he was a bit like a mule – so the neighbour kept an eye on the house. The next time he saw the ladder put up, the neighbour was there even quicker. The ladder acted as a pre-911 rural communication system.
And of course, they always had coffee after.
As the elder’s physical mobility lessened, he could no longer take his traditional long walks in the community and stop in to visit. But he enjoyed people and their company. It didn’t take him long to find a way to communicate to friends when he would like them to stop in for coffee. He just put the ladder against his house, and before long, he would be having coffee with friends.
We all need to recognize the need to let others help us. Too often, we try to do something on our own, whether it is reshingling a roof, dealing with an addiction problem, wrestling with a financial situation or dealing with a relationship. Help from a friend, a professional or a self-help group is available. But they don’t have radar. They don’t know we need their help and support unless we reach out.
Reaching out for help can be one of the toughest things to do. But it is also most important. The longer we put off reaching out to others, the bigger the problem usually grows.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www3.sk.sympatico.ca/petecope.
