Q: We are not sure what to do with our little girl.
She has always been the greatest kid and we naturally expected that she would stay that way, but this year things have changed. She is in Grade 8, but the way that she is going, she may not graduate from elementary school. Her marks are way down, as is her attitude. She often refuses to do her homework and getting her to attend to her farm chores is almost impossible. What can we do?
A: Preadolescence is that fateful period from 10 to 15 years old. Children at this stage in their lives experience more change than they will at any other time.
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Your daughter’s body is making all kinds of changes: growing at different rates, arms and legs sometimes growing faster than the torso and leaving her clumsy and awkward.
She may also be going through neurological changes as the part of her brain that works with her emotions growing a little more quickly than the part that drives her into sensible thinking.
She is experiencing sexual development and likely going through her first monthly period.
And with all of the pressure on peer development, she may find herself vulnerable to social expectations on the playground.
Although your daughter may at times resent it, this is the time in her life when she likely needs her parents to be more parenting than ever.
All of the changes in her life can leave her confused about what or what is not going on for her. She needs to be settled, and the probability of her doing that on her own is at an all time low.
She needs you and her father to build a bit of structure into her life, but don’t get carried away.
The structure that works best for kids of this age is relatively simple. It usually means having regular meal times, regular bed times, a quiet time that could be used for school work during school nights and an expectation that she will be civil to others around the house.
You might also have a family meeting once a week so you all know who is doing what, where and when.
I suspect that at least a part of you wants to threaten your daughter with all kinds of sanctions if her marks do not improve. I can understand that, but reading the riot act usually doesn’t help anyone in the long term.
If you let your daughter know that you are concerned for her well-being and implement structure in her life, she will likely get into high school and soon be that great kid you knew when she was younger.
