He used to be one of the more popular kids in the classroom. At least, he thought he was.
But as the other kids began to understand that when he teased some of the more isolated children in the classroom he was actually abusing them, they began to avoid him. He was a bully and they wanted nothing to do with him. Now he walks down the school corridors alone, going from classroom to classroom.
He is still bitter, is still capable of shouting insults, but he does so without an audience of other kids to encourage him. In fact, he seldom shouts. He just slumps forward, bitter and angry.
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He never did have many friends. When he was younger the other kids would laugh and encourage him when he was taunting someone else. Sometimes they would be right there in the action with him, but they never invited him to their birthday parties and in the evening, when school was out, they seldom called him on the telephone. As much as he wanted a cell phone from his parents,
he did not have a need for one.
With all of the talk about bullying these days, and with valid concerns raised about
the psychological well being of those who
have been victimized, we forget that children who have been labelled as bullies are also children who have needs.
They struggle with social isolation. They
do not know how to get involved with other children in reasonable ways. Bullying may disguise their isolation, but it does not fix it. The label itself, the bully, is as isolating as other labels are, as bad as being called an idiot or a nerd. Young people attending smaller schools know that once they have been labelled, getting rid of the reputation is
almost impossible.
A number of programs have been developed to reduce bullying in our towns and villages. Everyone wants children to feel safe in their communities. Those programs that recognize that bullies are also children who need support and encouragement are most likely to be successful.
We need more than rules and regulations to stop bullying. They may help, but on their own they are not likely to be useful. We need to find ways to help all children relate more effectively to their peer groups. We need to help them deal with
both personal and family problems.
Perhaps then they will not feel so isolated,
or think that they have to resort to abusive behaviour to draw the attention to themselves that is otherwise lacking.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor, living and working in west-central Saskatchewan who has taught social work for two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
