Q: My widowed mom was lonely, but has met a new guy. At first, it was OK for me and they were spending time together and giving each other companionship. However, he’s now moved in with her, doesn’t seem to be contributing to expenses, and I’ve found out he’s been divorced three times. Is there anything I can do?A: While we want our aging parents to be happy during their last years, we don’t want them to be taken advantage of.There was a 1998 case in Ontario that illustrates the folly that can befall vulnerable people.Mr. B was an 88-year-old man whose wife had died after a long and difficult struggle with Alzheimer’s. He was deaf, used a walker for assistance and had bladder control problems. He had five children and 18 grandchildren and worked for the same employer for more than 50 years.At 85, he composed a will, which left everything to his five children, in equal shares. Within a month of his wife’s death, Mr. B struck up a friendship with Ms. M, who worked at the retirement centre where he lived. She was 31.The relationship blossomed. Mr. B’s adult children began to get quite concerned because he was worth almost $500,000. Medical doctors assessed Mr. B and found he was no longer mentally competent to manage his own finances. His children were given power to do so.Mr. B, accompanied by Ms. M, went to his bank and tried to take out $10,000 but was refused. When the children took control of his financial affairs, they were shocked to learn Ms. M had married Mr. B.The next day, Ms. M took her new husband to see a lawyer, where a new will was made, leaving all the assets to her. That same lawyer tried to get the declaration of incompetence overturned. The matter went to trial, where both wills were overturned. A marriage after a will is drafted revokes that will.The judge found Mr. B had enough mental capacity to marry Ms. M, and the marriage was upheld.As a result, the court’s ruling was that Mr. B died intestate or without a will. In such situations, almost everything goes to the next-of-kin, which under the law, was Ms. M.There is no guarantee that you can do anything to control the actions of your mother, even if she is under a mental disability due to age. It is her money, not yours, and if she wants to give it to her new partner, she is entitled to do so. If you do plan to intervene, intervene early and seek help from qualified medical personnel and a public trustee.
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