Q: My dad is an alcoholic. Our family has approached him often about his problem. He knows he has a drinking problem. He tried to quit numerous times. But for some reason, after doing well for a week or so, he starts again. All of my dad’s brothers and sisters have alcohol problems. His mother drank through all her pregnancies.
I am worried about him. I support him emotionally as much as I can, but it is so hard to see your father drink his life away. He has a fear of getting old and doesn’t really want to live past 65. He has no major stresses in his life. He has a prosperous business, a loving wife who has stood behind him and helped him the whole way, two loving kids, a grandson and no money troubles.
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Do you have any ideas on how to keep him on track when he stops, and how to find out why he feels like getting old is so horrible? He has decided to quit and so far so good but in five more days, he could start again.
A: Be honest with your father about your fears as well as his.
One family dealt with their older father’s alcohol problem by deciding that their annual fishing trip was going to be dry. Their father was welcome to come on it, but the rest of the family had decided that alcohol was not going to be allowed. He chose the fishing trip and had a few days in which he was able to realize both his dependence on alcohol and the symptoms of drying out.
Family support is important for an alcoholic, but the support has to be for the person, not the alcohol. And family members also need their own support.
If you are in your teens, checkout Al-A-Teen, either in your community or via the internet. If you are older, you will likely find an Alcoholics Anonymous group in your area.
Since he is successful in business, he likely deals with many AA members, but may not realize they are in AA. Some AA members are known publicly in their own communities. If you know of someone, talk to him or her. They may be able to bring up the topic of AA in a more personal way and encourage him to join.
The key to alcohol recovery is in having peer support during those initial days of sobriety. Failure feeds addiction. To successfully deal with an addiction a person needs sources of hope and self esteem, social support and facts and reminders about the nature and consequences of alcoholism. Then they can put their energy into healthy relationships rather than a substance.
Information about AA can usually be found in most district or regional telephone books and on the internet at www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www3.sk.sympatico.ca/petecope.
