Q: Our son is failing his second year at university. He always had great marks when he was in high school. When he only failed one course in his first year at university, we thought he would turn things around. We were wrong. My husband is furious and wants to bring our son back home. I am not sure that would do much good. In fact, I am not sure what we can do to help.
A: Your son will one day find his way into the world. Most successful people who I know have had to endure disappointments along the way to their achievements.
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Your son probably needs some time away from the university to re-examine his life goals. My guess is that he is not strongly committed and that makes studying, preparing for classes and getting involved in his courses difficult.
Young people today have a glorious number of opportunities and as great as it is, it can also be confusing for them.
Asking them what they want to be when they grow up is like asking them to make decisions before they have all the information. We need to give them time to figure things out.
If your son takes a break from his studies, encourage him to start asking questions to help him sort out what is important.
Does he like the methodical nature of the country life, or is he more excited when he gets to enjoy city lights? Does he like to work alone or is he more apt to work with other people?
Is he careful and cautious with his money, or does he like to share what he has with whomever he is entertaining?
Is he practical or spiritual? How important is intimacy for him, having his own family, and being there for the annual family picnic with his aunts and uncles?
Does he learn best by reading and studying, or does he do better by trying to do things with his hands?
These questions indicate something about your son’s character. It is that character that will see him through the successes and failures of his life. The more he understands himself, the more likely it is that he will grow and develop.
That might mean going back to university with a clearer sense of purpose, or it might mean learning through the practical demands of the vocational world.
He will figure out his own route as he better appreciates who he is and what he has to offer to the world.
Your job is to make sure that you give him all of the love and encouragement you can while he is finding his way in the world.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
