Q: Our 13-year-old son is at that touchy and edgy stage in adolescence where he over reacts to everything that is going on around him. He says that his dad and I pick on him too much, that his younger sister annoys him, that school is a waste of time and that he would fire his hockey coach and get a new one.
I know this is a stage and I can appreciate how difficult it is for him but I would like to do something that might help him settle. To be honest, it is getting to me at times. What can we do to help?
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A: Your son is likely going through a difficult stage in his personal development. For some kids, neurological development that governs emotions matures more quickly than logical and rational thinking. This could be true for your son.
Things have a way of balancing themselves over time and some of that logic you are not seeing will appear within the next couple of years.
To help your son now, look at emotional regulation guidelines and tailor them to your son’s needs.
The first principle is to be aware of and understand whatever emotions with which he may be struggling. Often people are not fully aware of their emotions.
Some may say that they are angry when they are really feeling hurt and distraught or depressed when they are isolated and lonely. They may feel overwhelmed when they are actually feeling incompetent and anxious.
The more you can encourage your son to be aware and honest about his feelings, the better are his chances of learning to deal with them more effectively. It starts with honesty.
Your son may need some help with impulse control. Kids often have a bad habit of doing or saying something that may come back to haunt them.
Examples can be found in social media with people regretting impulsive and explosive comments. It might not hurt to have a few rules in place governing his cellphone, laptop and other devices.
Finally, make sure that your son is not in complete control of your household.
The more you can keep your family structure in place, preparing meals at regular times, having regular bed times and quiet times and generally expecting him to be respectful to others in the house, the more likely he is to build healthy habits that will last a lifetime.
