Q: My boyfriend and I went to see my grandmother recently. She has just moved into a long-term care facility. I expected to see Grandma as bright and cheerful as before but she wasn’t.
I am not too sure what goes on in the home but she was sad and remorseful, seemed to be forgetful and not at all interested in any of her grandchildren. We would like to do something to make things better. Can you give us a bit of guidance?
A: I would refer you to Dr. Bill Thomas, who can be found in many videos on YouTube.
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He was responsible for something he called the Eden Alternative. In that program, he restructured the residential life of a nursing home where he was the consulting physician and encouraged a number of people who were looking and sounding a lot like your grandmother to find their lost enthusiasm for life and living.
The program is based on three assumptions. First, that many residents were lost and lonely. They did not have frequent contact with their families and did not talk much to each other.
Second, many residents had an unfortunate bent toward helplessness. They could see little point in doing much to keep themselves interested in life.
And third, the residents were bored. They had little to do all day except watch television, wait for family to visit and settle into long afternoon naps.
Thomas suggested changes to the board and administration that could make life more meaningful for the residents.
You are not in a position to do that but if you study the three problems that Thomas identifies, you might be able to help your grandmother develop a more satisfying experience in the home.
You can help her deal with loneliness simply by encouraging her to spend more time talking and interacting with other residents.
You can help her deal with her helplessness just by letting her know she can talk to you when she feels stressed or depressed. You and Grandma could also identify various projects for her to try.
If you commit to helping her get over these three hurdles, life could be better and you and she will enjoy your visits much more in the future.
