The better you know someone, the more you likely understand them. The better you understand them, the less likely that any differences between the two of you will become a problem.
Those differences can be of help, allowing both of you to appreciate and work at understanding things that are unusual for you. And this tends to lead to your feeling appreciated by someone else, for being just who you are.
But when there is no understanding or listening to others, or accepting that it’s OK to be different, then discrimination and prejudice can become established.
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Ignorance causes anxiety
Discrimination comes from ignorance and fear. It is fueled by the unknown and is quickly transformed by anxiety.
None of us likes being in the dark and not knowing something. It can lead to us feeling uncomfortable, nervous or anxious.
But prejudice and discrimination are not caused by what happens outside of us. They are caused by how we see things (usually incorrectly), and what we say to ourselves, commonly referred to as self-talk, thoughts or beliefs. But when we allow ourselves to be upset, anxious or angry because we don’t know something or misunderstand things about someone else, we develop a mind-set of discrimination or prejudice.
The simplest solution when you don’t know something about someone else is to ask them to fill you in.
Yet a lot of people refuse to do that. They are afraid or self-conscious, or are already locked up in discriminatory or racial thinking. It takes self-discipline and strong will power to find out the facts before you jump to false conclusions.
But if you ask people for information you have to accept and respect what they say or believe. You don’t have to believe or think the same as them. But you have no right to put them down because they are different from you.
Anti-discrimination efforts in a community usually focus on stopping racism. A person’s skin color is made by some people into a barrier, preventing them from learning about each other.
Imagine what would happen in a community where most of the people had severe vision problems and couldn’t distinguish between the various hues and shades of human skin. Such people would be unaware of such differences. How they related to each other might be quite different.
Some people discriminate against others whose accents are difficult to understand. But how many of our parents, grandparents or great-grandparents came to Canada from non-English speaking countries?
Employment equity
Some people today see discrimination or racism when others are given first place in line for certain training or get extra help in being hired on a job. This help, often called employment equity, was set up to help those who have traditionally faced discrimination.
Many young adults of European origin don’t like this. They see that it will, can or might affect their ease in getting into training or a job. Yes, it might. But such programs were established to offset much of the negative attitude that employers had to certain ethnic or racial groups for many years.
To those young adults who might be upset by employment equity policies, I can only say, “I understand your feelings. I can see how from your personal experience and present situation it does not seem fair. But some unfairness may need to exist today because of a lot of unfairness in the past.”
If you are having trouble with some aspect of your life write to Peter Griffiths in care of this newspaper. Griffiths is a mental health counsellor and member of the Canadian Mental Health Association. Letters appearing in this paper may be edited to protect the writer’s identity, however all are based on authentic letters.
