It took Trudy Sands almost her entire 37 years to be diagnosed with bipolar disease.
The diagnosis came in 2004 after years of erratic behaviour. She told a May 5 workshop on living with mental illness how her husband and three daughters have been affected by her mood swings.
During her manic times she drank alcohol all day and dressed inappropriately.
“I did not think as a pastor’s wife I would stand out, in a small town of 500, wearing a bikini in the front yard.”
Her husband Blaine, a pastor in Elrose, Sask., said his position as a religious leader in town ensures that their life is a fishbowl.
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“Our family is not supposed to have difficulty,” he said.
Both reiterated that mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. But Trudy said she felt validated and relieved when her doctor was able to put a name on the condition that was causing the problems. Knowing the source of her mania and depression made it easier to comply with taking medication and commit to getting better.
Trudy said knowing the illness is not the same as conquering it. People can be impatient about mental illness, but she said nobody tells someone to snap out of cancer or snap out of diabetes.
Blaine said that as Trudy’s key support person, he not only reads a lot about mental illness, but also helps his wife cope by giving feedback about her behaviour and sometimes taking charge of her recovery. Their congregation has assisted the family by allowing Blaine to move his church office to his home so he can monitor Trudy and help her stick with her schedule and avoid triggers that could set her off.
Besides Blaine’s verbal therapy, Trudy also relies on a daily checklist to note the hours she has slept, whether she ate or exercised, her contact with people and medications taken, including alcohol and caffeine.
Her other support comes from her daughters, who have written poems, made her jewelry and joked about the new hair colour applied during a manic phase.
The Sands said sometimes they are forced to remember actions taken in the past because they have consequences, but generally they try to live life forward. Trudy said she knows she has a daily battle and her mantra of “I will get better” provides stability.
The Sands also said that their commitment to the Christian faith has helped them and allowed others to see the success of their journey. Their faith provides hope in their power to change.
It wasn’t always pleasant being married to Trudy, Blaine said. At one point she wanted to leave the family, but they have persevered through 18 years of marriage.
Trudy said her father, who also has a bipolar illness, is divorced from her mother.
The Sands can now laugh about the day Trudy had Blaine pull the car into the fire lane of a mall for just two minutes while she dashed in to buy a pair of boots she had fancied.
One shop led to another and when she emerged, there was no Blaine. She found their car in the parking lot with a note on it telling her to stay there. She ignored that and headed back into the mall to look for her husband when they met at the door. To her, the incident was 10 minutes, but in reality, more than two hours had gone by.
“There are days when I trust Trudy to drive to Saskatoon and others I wouldn’t without cutting up the credit cards,” Blaine said.
The Sands drive two hours to Saskatoon every week to receive medical support. Trudy said her doctor comes to her home once a month and a psychiatric nurse visits monthly.
“If I wasn’t doing well, I’d feel abandoned (as a rural person seeking help).”
