Q: One of my friends was recently diagnosed with dementia, which was proven with an MRI scan and psychological tests. She has had her driving license taken away and is very upset about this. She phones every day to talk about it and I am becoming impatient with her, even though I know it is wrong and she can’t help it. She just keeps repeating herself. Have you any suggestions for dealing with someone with dementia?
A: A doctor can request that a person’s driving license be removed if the doctor is convinced that the patient could pose a danger to themselves or others through lack of cognitive abilities. Maybe they got lost while driving in familiar surroundings or committed a serious traffic violation and caused an accident.
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The rules vary slightly from province to province but in Ontario it is quite costly to appeal the decision, about $700, and this requires another letter from the doctor. The person must also pass another cognitive test.
The physician is unlikely to co-operate with that unless it can be shown that your friend has a treatable cause for dementia and has recovered. Vitamin B12 deficiency or hypothyroidism might be examples of that.
As to your friends’ frequent phone calls, the best action is to answer her questions as briefly as possible and try to be reassuring as she adjusts to the reality of not being able to drive. Encourage her to sell her car so she is not tempted to drive and might forget she is not allowed to do so.
You may wish to contact the local Alzheimer’s society for more tips in how to handle this situation. Although they call themselves “Alzheimer’s,” they deal with all forms of dementia. In our area the society will arrange a series of Zoom meetings with the person’s family and friends.
Apart from the driving problem, your friend will also need help to manage her finances. A trustworthy relative or friend should be appointed with access to bank accounts and the ability to pay bills or manage investments. At the least, someone should double check the bank statements and bill payments to make sure the bills are paid on time.
Your friend should keep a notebook to help remember due dates and other appointments. Many dementia patients write notes on separate bits of paper and then lose them. The notebook, which should always be kept in the same prominent place, can also be used to keep track of groceries and other supplies. Adult day care and in-home help are also available in some areas.
