Q: I wish that my husband was more interested in our children. It is not that he does anything wrong. He has a good job and sharing his part of the expenses for raising the kids or keeping our house in good shape are never a problem. But he doesn’t go to any of their activities, or talk to any of the four kids except to say “go ask your mother,” and if one of them is sick or in need of special attention, he slips out of the house and hides in the nearest coffee shop. I have tried to get him to spend more time with all of us but he refuses to do so. What can I do?
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A: It would be preferable if you were involved in activities as a family, but if Dad chooses to isolate himself, it is more his loss than anyone else’s.
Studies show children can progress well with the support and caring of only one parent. But he may not get along without them as he ages.
It would be different if you and your husband were divorced and living in separate houses. Kids from separated families do better when both parents are involved. Otherwise, they feel abandoned and often blame themselves for the loss of the parent.
As long as Dad is in the home, and he and the children are like two ships passing in the night, more may be happening between them than you know. That silence has the potential to carry messages that are long lasting.
The danger for you is that you will try to be two parents instead of one. You need to be sure that you have quiet times to reflect on your own well-being and get some rest. That way, you are well enough to continue building relationships with your children that are fun and rewarding.
