Q: I am very disappointed. We have just returned from a follow-up psychiatric appointment for our 14-year-old son. We were told by the psychiatrist that our son is clinically depressed. We knew that our son had a behaviour problem, which is why we made the appointment in the first place, but we were hoping that it would not come out as depression.
My family has a long history of depression. My mom has been on anti-depressants most of my living memory of her, my grandmother was a hermit on the farm and most likely was depressed, a long-lost uncle of mine died by suicide and there were likely others in the family of whom I am not aware.
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We hoped that our boy would not fall into this branch of the family tree. But he has and now we have to deal with it.
Of course, we would simply like it to go away but that appears not likely to happen. Can you add some thoughts to the information we are putting together to better understand depression and to best help our son?
A: I think that depression in adolescence can be confusing. We tend to think of depressed people as being isolated, somewhat sad and generally lethargic. That is not always true for adolescents.
Depressed adolescents can be anything but isolated. You might find them being angry, defiant and combative. Social isolation comes later in life, gradually creeping into their lives as they slip into maturity. Because of this, it is at times hard to diagnose depression in adolescents. I am glad that you were able to meet a psychiatrist who understands the dynamic.
As I understand it, clinical depression is more likely a disability than a disease. What that means is that we do not have the ability to cure depression. We cannot make it go away.
But don’t get too discouraged. The upside is that we can help people with depression manage their difficulties and for many depressed people, life is pretty much the same as it is for anyone else. They get married, have families, engage in successful careers and make respectable contributions to their communities.
They have depressed episodes but they manage their depression by successfully working with their psychiatrists to get the correct medication for their off moments, while at the same time, getting the social-emotional support they need from the clinical staff in their local mental health centres. It is not always easy, but it can be doable.
To help your son, you first need to enshroud him with unconditional love, even when he is angry and defiant, and even more so when he is withdrawing into his personal despair.
You need to make sure that he and you are comfortable with the support team working with you.
Mental health help works best when you have confidence in the psychiatrist and the mental health counsellors, who encourage him to go to school and mingle with friends.
You and he must accept the reality of his depression. Don’t get caught up in those snake-oil schemes promising unfettered miracles for just a few thousand dollars. They don’t work. Finally, you might join the rest of us as we pray that one day the miracle of science will discover that elusive cure for depression.
