Respect needed in marriage
Disagreements and lack of understanding are often described as being serious problems in marriage. They aren’t, unless they are mishandled.
Any two people, especially a woman and man, are going to see things differently at times. They aren’t going to always agree, and may not always understand the other person. As two people, with their own individual ideas, feelings and expectations about many things, they will often find themselves in conflict.
Is that so bad? Not at all. Unless disagreements and differences in understanding are brought out and dealt with openly, the conflict around them will still be there. And the longer nothing is done, the more intense that conflict tends to be when it finally comes out.
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So despite what may be believed by many married people, always understanding each other and always agreeing are not crucial for a good relationship.
What is crucial, however, is being able to show respect to the other person and accept that disagreements or misunderstandings are happening. Being able to say “I disagree, but I accept and respect that this is what you are feeling or thinking,” is a sign of a healthy relationship.
It sounds easy, but this can be hard to do at times because people tend to feel or react defensively when others don’t agree with them or understand them. The closer the emotional relationship between the two people, the greater such problems tend to be.
If your partner doesn’t agree with you, it’s natural to want him or her to agree with you. How do most people go about trying to do that? They push their ideas, by explaining them or repeating them or coming up with more reasons why the other person should agree with them. Does this usually get a partner to agree with you? Do they want to listen to you any harder? Likely not.
If your partner doesn’t understand, you likely keep explaining and explaining, which doesn’t help since your partner doesn’t understand your point of view to begin with, and more arguments or explanations just further confuse the issue.
And if you don’t understand your partner, what usually happens? You either interrogate or subtly judge him, suggesting he is the problem.
Consider feelings of others
Respecting the other person, regardless of whether you agree or understand , is the only way to avoid problems. Respect involves accepting the feelings and thoughts the other person is having at that time, without judging them or trying to change them.
This can be a challenge if someone you love is angry or upset with you. But getting angry and upset back won’t help the situation.
Accept their feelings and viewpoints, even though they aren’t yours. Think them through carefully. Try to look at things from their perspective. Ask to schedule a time when both of you can recognize and share how your feelings, understandings and wishes on certain situations may differ. Then explore creative ways to resolve them so both your feelings and desires and your partner’s are respected.
Try it. It works. I found this out a while ago when I discovered that my partner did not understand or perceive an issue the same way that I had. But we talked it through. I accepted and respected her feelings and wishes, and have been trying to come up with an alternative solution to handle the issue, which respects her feelings and wishes as well as mine.
