Dealing with frustrations
You can’t avoid frustrations in life, but you can develop effective ways to deal with them. Try the VOMP way to handle life’s challenges. VOMP stands for vent, own up, moccasins and plan.
When you are upset with someone, you need to vent your anger, but not directly at the person. When you blow up at someone without thinking and with little self-control, you usually make the situation worse. Venting anger means letting go of it, safely, without exploding. It means reducing the internal pressure.
Read Also
Stock dogs show off herding skills at Ag in Motion
Stock dogs draw a crowd at Ag in Motion. Border collies and other herding breeds are well known for the work they do on the farm.
Some people may be stuffers and need help to get their anger out. Others may be exploders and need more help with keeping their anger under control once it starts to come out. Susan Page, author of How One of You Can Bring The Two Of You Together, a book about resolving conflicts in marriage, suggests the following ways for expressing, but maintaining, control over your anger as you reduce it. Get rid of the energy that often accompanies anger by running or jogging, hitting a pillow, or yelling if you are off by yourself. Some people have to actually tire themselves out physically before their anger level drops significantly.
You can also vent your anger by talking out your frustrations with someone else other than the person you are angry at. Just being heard can reduce anger. You might want to write a letter expressing your anger, and even tear it up after it’s written.
The second part of VOMP is to own your anger. Own up to your part in whatever is happening. Don’t blame the other person for your anger. Discover the feelings behind and under your anger – perhaps fear, anxiety, embarrassment or insecurity. Own up to the feelings. Then decide what you want to do with it. See if there is anything funny about the situation. Laughter tends to reduce anger effectively. Taking time-outs or counting backward from 50 to one also helps.
The third step is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes or moccasins. The other person may not be entirely in the wrong, and you may not be entirely in the right. Try to guess what he or she may be thinking or feeling. This may help calm you down.
The fourth step is to plan what you can do about the situation. When you take time to plan your action, it is usually more reasonable and more effective.
Size up the problem. The more you look at a problem and think positively about what to do about it, the smaller it will seem. Plan how you are going to express your feelings and what you want, without dumping on the other person or trying to control or order them around.
If you go through the above steps, you will likely handle the problem effectively.
