Respect needed in marriage
Q: I am so upset when I read about husbands who do not respect their wives. They think they own them and treat them like they are dogs.
My wife and I have been married more than 40 years and I respect her as much as I did when we were first married. Sure we have our differences. We argue at first, but then we discuss our problems, deal with them and go on from there.
A man who can’t sit down with his wife and talk over matters is not a man. We never go to bed angry, and I hope we never will.
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Some husbands think they own their wives, treating them any way they like, and then expect affection and sex at their whim and desire.
My wife’s best friend confided in her that her husband doesn’t speak to her for days or weeks over just trivial matters. This man doesn’t deserve a wife.
A: It’s wonderful to get such a positive letter from someone who practises the two healthy basic beliefs of marriage – that both partners deserve equal respect and equal opportunities to be themselves within a marriage.
Far too many men fall into a foolish trap of believing they are better than women and therefore deserve more rights and privileges. The beliefs that a man has a right to be in charge and have authority over a woman, and that a woman is expected to provide services to a man, whether homemaking, parenting or sexual, is the root of abusive behavior.
Some men may say, “But I’ve never laid a hand on my wife.” But how often have they belittled her, insulted her, manipulated her or even used her by expecting what they wanted when they wanted it?
Many other men enter marriage never expecting to become abusive. But if they start to make excuses for little acts of disrespect, blame their wives for “causing them” to behave a certain way, or minimize their behavior by not being completely honest with themselves, they will most likely slowly drift into being abusive and controlling toward their partner. The time to catch abuse is before it becomes entrenched in a man’s behavior.
Readers who want a copy of the Power and Control Wheel and the Equality Wheel, which clearly show the difference between abusive and healthy relationships, can get them by sending me a self-addressed stamped envelope c/o this newspaper.
Unfortunately, I don’t yet own a scanner, so I can’t send this material by e-mail.
