Failure to get an erection
Q: You discussed male sexual concerns in an earlier column. My concern could be reflected in the saying, “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” I agree that daily stress can affect sexual performance. These are the people who need sex the most, to take their minds off their problems. Because of this, they need a concerned, understanding partner. You mentioned some drugs can cause problems with having an erection. You implied that vessel leakage causes weak erections. What can a man do about this? You mentioned vacuum pumps. I understand these are available from love shops. How often should they be used, and for what length of time?
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A:Many of your questions need to be answered by a medical doctor, preferably a urologist who is specially trained in urinary and reproductive medical problems. A doctor can perform some simple tests to determine if there are physical problems in a man’s sexual functioning, such as a wide variation between the blood pressure in his groin and elsewhere in his body. Some medications, especially for high blood pressure, may affect a man’s erection.
Aging can cause sexual changes. A man’s erection is created by blood flowing to, and being trapped in, special structures on a man’s penis (corpora cavernosa). These act like one-way valves. Blood flows in and is trapped until the man’s sexual excitement decreases. Then the valves relax, and the blood flows back into the main system again.
But all parts are subject to wear and tear. With some older men, these valves don’t do their job as well as they used to. Some of the blood leaks back and the erection gradually lessens. A penis pump allows a man to push more blood into these structures. There is still leakage, but like a car tire, if you inflate it extra to start with, you won’t notice a slow leak as fast. If a man wants to use one of these, he should consult his doctor for information on where safe ones can be ordered.
Reduced sexual functioning can be caused by emotions. Our brain is really our biggest sex organ of all. Sex is as much an issue of emotions as of hormones. Feeling anxious or fearful of the failure to get or maintain an erection almost always guarantees that failure.
It is normal for the level of a man’s excitement to gradually ease off with aging. But if he focuses on what is happening and what he is enjoying, rather than what isn’t happening, he’ll maintain positive thinking. The moment he lets negative thinking take over, he’s in for problems and deflation.
Too many men focus on the need to prove they’re a man, which to most men means coming to climax. But if he focuses instead on enjoying both the physical and emotional connectedness with his partner and on the exciting sensations of the moment around his penis, he will fully enjoy everything that is happening. And if he’s feeling good about himself and his partner, who knows what might happen?
Too many men think foreplay means active sexual touching. Not so. Emotional foreplay involves being with your partner, talking to her, sharing with her, and perhaps holding and hugging her, without feeling under pressure. When that happens, the rest often takes care of itself. Thinking you “need” sex will backfire on you. You won’t relax and enjoy things. You focus on what has to happen and not enjoy what is happening.
Two excellent books about sexuality are Sex is a Thirteen Letter Word, by the Chernekoffs, which I reviewed a few months ago, and In Touch, by Noam and Beryl Chernick.
If you are having trouble with some aspect of your life write to Peter Griffiths in care of this newspaper. Griffiths is a mental health counsellor and member of the Canadian Mental Health Association. Letters may be edited to protect the writer’s identity, however all are based on authentic letters.
