Q: I have been teaching either Grade 3 or 4 for 19 years. I love it and love watching the children helping each other through their problems on the playground or in the classroom. The kids are great, they always have been and they always will be.
Lately I have noticed a groupof children who are anything but caring toward their classmates. They are self-centred, insensitive and downright cruel to other children at times. What can we do to help the parents of this group teach their children to be more compassionate toward others?
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A: Compassion is a wonderful trait. Many of our philosophic and spiritual leaders believe that the world would be much safer if the people living in it shared more compassion with each other. This is certainly true for your classroom. The more compassion your students show toward each other, the easier it is for you to teach them.
Dr. Ducher Keltner, a research psychologist from the University of California, believes we are born with the trait of compassion. It is not something that is learned along the way.
If Keltner is right, we have to change our way of dealing with children who appear to be insensitive to others and who are without compassion. Instead of figuring out how we are going to teach them to become more compassionate, we have to figure out how we are going to give them permission to be the caring and sensitive people that they are naturally.
Some children who appear to be cruel and insensitive to other children come from homes where they are being subjected to cruel and violent behaviour. Their homes are not safe for them.
As a community, we have a responsibility, working through our social services agencies, to ensure that all children live in safe environments. Only when children feel safe can we expect them to feel free to be more compassionate.
Other children come from homes where they are locked into their video games. These children might also not feel the freedom to be compassionate. Don’t forget that our militaries use video games to dehumanize the enemy and give the soldiers the freedom to shoot at them without guilt.
Perhaps if families put limits on the time children spend in front of their electronic games, they might feel free to be more compassionate toward others.
In other homes, children believe they are the princes and princesses of the universe. People around them are simply pawns catering to their every whim and wish. They are only there to serve the inordinate demands coming from the children.
These children are not likely to feel compassion. They have no use for it. Keltner’s studies demonstrate that children are more compassionate when they are less preoccupied with themselves and more oriented toward the needs of other people.
When you ensure that children are safe in your classroom, when they have a few moments to be directly involved with each other and when they understand that every one of their classmates is as important as they are, you will most likely find yourself having to deal less withcruel and insensitive ones.
It gets even easier if you are able to recruit the parents as allies in the cause.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mailjandrews@producer.com.
