Most manuals on organizations tell us we should respect everyone who comes to our meetings. Sometimes that is hard to do, especially when we are dealing with people who monopolize all the conversations and don’t give others opportunities to participate.
We can deal with those who monopolize a meeting either by controlling the overall meeting itself or by trying to control the people who are creating the problem.
Controlling the meeting is simple, but it is not always effective. When I am the chair of a meeting in which I am dealing with someone who is trying to take over the discussion, I will limit the time each person has to talk to five minutes. If that does not work, and if people continue to rudely interrupt when someone else is talking, I bring out the talking stick. Only the person with the talking stick is allowed to speak. If you want to say something, you have to wait until you have a turn to hold onto the stick.
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Trying to control people who want to take over the meeting is more difficult. It has to be done quietly and on the side. The last thing you want to do is embarrass that person in front of the others. Sometimes understanding what is happening can be helpful. Often as not, the person who is talking the most is simply looking for validation, either for himself as a person or for the ideas he is presenting.
The problem is that he is not getting it. The other problem is that he knows he is not getting it. So he tries harder, which means that he talks more and the more he talks, the less people will listen to him, and the less people listen to him, the more he talks. It is frustrating for everyone.
Take that person to the side and let him know that you appreciate the enthusiasm he brings to the discussion. Give him the validation for which he is looking. Once he knows that you respect what he is trying to do when he is presenting his ideas, he will be more likely to listen to your persuasion to settle him down and to let other people participate.
Sometimes, although not often, you can convince him to help you encourage others to talk more frequently. If you get to that level, you have made a friend for a long time, and someone on whom you can count when you need support after the meeting to carry through with some of the tasks.
Remember, the first rule in the organization manual is to respect those who attend your meeting. If people who monopolize discussions continue to do so, despite your efforts to show respect and ask them to be more sensitive to others in the meeting, you can at least be satisfied that you have made a sincere effort to make the meeting more acceptable for everyone.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor, living and working in west-central Saskatchewan who has taught social work for two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com
