Q: Sometimes celebrating Christmas with young children is more hectic than rewarding. If you have any suggestions for helping us build a better Christmas for our family, please share them.
A: I find it ironic that so many people try so hard to please their children and grandchildren during Christmas, while challenging the fundamentals of good parenting. Sometimes the fun is taken out of what should be a joyous season for everyone.
Children have only limited energy. Like everyone, they struggle when that energy is depleted. They need lots of good food and plenty of rest if they are to get the most out of Christmas. That can be hard to do when the kids are running to school concerts, to grandparents’ houses and then off to late night church services.
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Parents need to know when the kids are starting to get too tired, and they should give their children time for rest and relaxation between commitments.
My first suggestion is that parents listen to their children. Children seldom have the ability to recognize when they are feeling stressed, but they do give off some fairly convincing signals that life is getting out of hand.
They might cry a little more than usual, get a few too many headaches or tummy aches, withdraw and avoid being with their friends, or start acting a little more immature than they usually do.
The signals are sometimes overlooked by parents because they are under pressure as well. They are the ones getting the telephone calls reminding them that their children are expected to be on time for their various activities. When parents listen to their children, compromises between the children’s needs and the other pressures can usually be found.
As much as possible, parents need to stick to the usual routines during the Christmas season.
Some nights, getting the kids to bed on time is not possible. The concert is late, or maybe a visit to the extended family goes on longer than expected.
But other nights the kids should eat and get to bed on time. From regular routines, children get the sense of safety and security they need to develop self-confidence.
Kids also need to continue those special moments of one-to-one contact with their parents. They learn the real meaning of Christmas from the love their parents have to offer them, regardless of how many presents they have under the tree.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
