I have recently read two excellent books by Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl. For a parent with teens, these books provided me with some eye-opening alternatives for guy-girl relationships that don’t have to be one-on-one dates.
I come from the old school of thinking that if you like someone, the only way to get to know them is to date, and if you do go for a coffee, you are going out.
I think many parents push their young people to get into dating relationships because this is the way we think.
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Also, there is peer pressure on teens to prove their popularity by having many short romantic relationships with no commitment and little consideration for the feelings of the other person.
Dating often pushes young people into physical relationships long before they really know each other or are financially or emotionally able to make long-term commitments.
Harris says that dating is usually self-centered, directionless and without commitment, so at the end of a relationship one or both members of the couple ends up hurt.
Before romance enters into a relationship he recommends a friendship foundation. He suggests there are four levels to relationships.
The first is casual friendship, as in a group setting with others. This is where many young people choose to stay for several years, knowing they are not ready for a more committed relationship.
The second is deeper friendship. This is mainly in a group or family setting with some time together to talk and get to know each other, but the conversation should avoid romantic topics or long-term plans. There is no physical contact.
The third level is purposeful intimacy with integrity. The purposeful intimacy would be to explore the possibility of marriage. This is expressed by the boy talking to the girl’s parents to get their permission as well as the couple deciding that they want to consider marriage.
This stage should not be considered until they are in an educational and financial position to consider marriage. The emphasis is on building a relationship and exploring their compatibility.
Physical contact may be limited to holding hands and hugs. Romance would develop through small gifts, letters and flowers. During this time the couple should seek the advice and support of their parents, siblings and friends about the relationship. At this point the couple may decide they don’t want to marry each other, which is OK.
Because there has been no sexual component, the relationship can end and the couple can move on with few regrets.
The fourth level is engagement, a time of planning for their life together. Couples decide how to limit their physical relationship before marriage.
Harris emphasizes there are no strict guidelines, because each relationship is different. He does emphasize the importance of having the support of friends, family and parents in helping the couple evaluate and guide their relationship, as well as keeping them accountable.
The bottom line is to always treat the other person the way you would want to be treated.
These books are published by Multnomah Publishers, Inc., Box 1720, Sisters, Oregon, U.S.A. 97759 and are available at any Christian bookstore.
Ice cold myths
For those of you who may be out on the ice snowmobiling, fishing, skating or walking, here are some points to keep in mind. They are from the fall issue of Lifelines, the newsletter of the Canadian Lifesaving Society.
Myth: Waterlogged clothing pulls you down in the water and makes you drown.
Reality: Air trapped in your clothing will help keep you afloat temporarily. But once the clothes are soaked with water, they will be heavier, making moving and swimming more difficult.
Myth: The better you swim, the better your chances of rescuing yourself if you fall through the ice.
Reality: Swimming proficiently plays only a small part in ice-related rescues. After as little as five minutes, cold water begins to rob you of your ability to move your limbs, making it difficult to get out of the water, no matter what your swimming ability.
Myth: Snow on a frozen lake or river makes the ice surface stronger.
Reality: Other factors that are largely independent of air temperature (wind, currents and fluctuating water levels) can weaken ice and make it unable to bear weight. A sudden drop in air temperature, which is more dangerous than a sudden rise, can create cracks in the ice.
Myth: Thick ice is stronger than thin ice.
Reality: Even thick ice may be weak if it is “rotten” or contains layers of water. Rotten ice has frozen and thawed repeatedly, making it potentially fragile even when it appears solid.
Snow activities
Our community is planning Snow Daze, a fun family day. When a friend of mine was looking for information on snow sculptures, we discovered a great website by an Alaskan family at www.teelfamily.com. They have some great activities, food, games, literature and science projects related to snow. The Teels live north of Anchorage. Here are a few of their snow suggestions.
- Snow ice cream – Collect some freshly fallen clean snow and put in a bowl. Sprinkle some sugar in, add 1/4 teaspoon (one mL) vanilla extract and milk. Slush it all together. Add enough milk to make a slushy texture and sugar to taste. Instead of vanilla flavoring try coffee or a flavoring syrup such as raspberry or licorice.
- Snow slush cones – Collect some freshly fallen snow and scoop it into bowls. Put a few spoonfuls of frozen juice concentrate on top.
- Colorful snow fort – Make a snow fort and fill a plastic spray bottle with warm water and some food coloring. Spray the water onto the snow and paint your fort with colored ice.
- Snow scavenger hunt – The
Inuit have many different words for snow in their language. They have had to recognize and communicate about the different kinds of snow and features of their landscape. See how many of the different kinds of snow you can find.
anniu falling snow
api ground snow
qali snow on the boughs of trees
qamaniq bowl-like
depression
under tree
siqoqtoaq sun crust
siqoq smoky
(drifting snow)
anamana space between drifts and
obstruction
upsik wind beaten snow
mapsuk overhanging drift
kaioglaq sharply etched wind-eroded surface
tumarinyiq ripple type drift
kalutoganiq arrow-shaped snow drift
kimoaqtruk snow drift
pukak bottom snow layer
salumaroaq smooth surface of fine particles
natatgonaq rough surface of large particles
quinzhee snow shelter
- Ice candle – You will need one four-litre plastic ice cream bucket, non stick cooking spray, water, candle and some freezing weather.
Spray the inside of the bucket with the no-stick spray or rub with a little oil. This helps if you have problems with the ice sticking to the bucket when it is time to remove. Fill the bucket three quarters full of water and set outside to freeze. Leave overnight, depending on how cold it is.
In the morning remove the ice block from the bucket. On the bottom there should be an area that is still liquid. Drain out the liquid and slush and turn it over. Allow to freeze for at least four more hours. The pocket where the water was now makes a great place to insert a candle. Light and place outside in your yard when it’s dark for a beautiful ice crystal light.
