Q:One of my friends is using the website on her computer to take a course in assertiveness training. I think that is great and I would like to do the same. But when I start looking for courses through my computer’s search engines, I get somewhat overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of courses that are out there. I have no idea how to pick out those courses that would be helpful for me, separating the wheat from the chaff , or finding the better courses. Do you have any suggestions for me?
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A:Assertiveness means more than being able to blurt out demands to other people. Being assertive means knowing what you want.
It might sound simple but that is a problem for many people and especially for those who struggle with assertion.
These people are often so busy trying to please everyone that they have little or no time to figure out what their own goals are. Consequently they find it difficult to make demands on others.
Goal setting, knowing what you want, is important for all people, regardless of age and social reputation.
Being assertive involves having strategies in place to reach your goals. Clearly stating what you want to those around you is one strategy. But sometimes being assertive means self discipline, not giving into impulses to spend money needlessly and working within a budget to keep bread on the table and the tractor in the field.
Assess what is going on in your life. We often look at our personal histories through rose-coloured glasses, pretending that our fortunes are better than they are. If you develop a strategy without assessing the danger points and preparing for some of the problems that might confront you, your strategy will likely fail.
Finally, being assertive means accessing your own merits. You can be humble without minimizing the contributions you make to your family, friends and community. But what you cannot do effectively is state your case when you are doubtful that you are worthy. You must have self esteem.
Suitable website courses will follow the guidelines I have outlined. They will help you clarify your goals, direct you toward useful strategies, and nurture your positive self esteem.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
