Q: My husband and I are worried about our 14-year-old niece. Ever since her father died a few years ago, she and my husband have had special times together. He is like a surrogate father to her. Lately, my niece has been reluctant to visit. We know that her school marks are down and she has been arguing with her mom.My sister thinks she is going through the usual adolescent turmoil but I am not so sure. I have heard a lot about adolescent depression and I wonder if our niece is depressed. Do you think that is a possibility?A: Adolescent suicide rates are going up and depression in young people is growing.Children in early adolescence are often more emotional than at other times in their lives. What makes the difference between healthy adolescent behaviour and serious depression is the time factor. If your niece is caught in the blues for two or more weeks at a time, she might be de-pressed and probably should seek professional help.The problem is that sadness in adolescents is different than in adults. When adults get sad, they tend to withdraw, avoid contact with people and are often weeping or sullen.Adolescents who are depressed are defiant, challenging parents and teachers and sometimes their friends. They spare no words in their defiance. The defiance can be so confusing to others that they do not see the depression it is hiding. The defiance in depression walks hand in hand with either a loss of interest in school, insomnia, alcohol and drug abuse, eating disorders, sexual promiscuity or general restlessness.I understand that you and your husband care about your niece but your sister will make the final decision about whether she will take her daughter for a mental health assessment. Your job is to give your sister as much support as you can. Your sister probably needs as much nurturing and loving from you as her daughter does. Don’t be afraid to share a few hugs with her.When you are with your niece, whether or not she is depressed, you can help by encouraging her to be physically and socially active. Some studies suggest that active kids are less likely to get depressed and that encouraging them to be active is more beneficial than talking out their problems. That gives you a wonderful option for supporting your niece without being intrusive.Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
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