Q: A year ago my husband was in a serious truck accident. He could have been killed. I am thankful to have him still around, but he has changed. He is on edge most of the time, he seldom gets a good night’s sleep and he is critical of just about everything the boys and I do. Do you have any suggestions?
A: I think one of the hardest things for many men is asking for help. I suspect your husband is feeling the effects of his accident.
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Trauma that is as overwhelming as his truck accident goes beyond simple psychological explanations. It goes right into the patterns that he has for thinking about things.
All of us have the capacity to react, without thinking, to unusual threats to our safety, like ducking to avoid getting hit if a rock is thrown at our head. A spontaneous reaction to perceived threats is part of human survival equipment.
When a person has a serious experience, the reactive system might get slightly messed up. It does not return to its normal moment of relaxation after the danger has passed.
The person may be on red alert all the time, so much so that everyday events can be seen as dangerous threats. He is tense, scared and often just exhausted from all the worry.
If this is true for your husband, he should seek professional help. If your husband broke his leg he would, without hesitation, go to the hospital for help.
Likewise, he needs to see a doctor for his spirit that was likely broken in the truck accident.
Two professionals who could help your husband are his doctor and a psychologist who is trained in working with trauma. His doctor can prescribe medication to help him get through his daily chores without getting as tense.
The psychologist can review with him the trauma of the truck accident so that he can put it to rest and perhaps even get off the medication.
Your job is to reassure your husband and let him know that you respect him for asking for help.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
