CALGARY (Staff) – When it becomes a struggle to have a baby, the strains can disrupt the happy family atmosphere a couple once dreamed of.
Infertility can be a life crisis for a couple. It affects them emotionally, socially, psychologically and sexually.
“Their lives are on hold,” says Arlene Westley, a California psychotherapist in infertility and surrogacy issues.
Childless couples watch their peers start families, move on with their lives and get involved in experiences they’ll never know.
For people who delayed pregnancy, it is the first wall life has thrown up before them. They have the education, the jobs and the possessions they wanted. Then, when they decide to have a baby to complete their desires, they fail, said Westley.
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She was part of a recent University of Calgary panel discussion on human reproduction.
One answer to the dilemma is to find a surrogate mother.
Westley has been involved with the surrogacy question since 1978 and helped set up California’s regulations to deal with surrogate mothers.
More than 400 children have been born to surrogate mothers in the United States without incident. While people may question why a woman would agree to rent her womb, surrogacy “can be done responsibly,” said Westley.
“Surrogacy is ripe for exploitation but it can benefit a limited number of people.”
When women are being screened as possible surrogates, they are put through a rigorous series of questions and are probed emotionally as well as physically.
The woman’s partner must be included in the screening. She is asked what she will tell her children, her friends and her co-workers about the pregnancy.
California regulations say no woman can be a surrogate who has not already had children. No women on welfare will be accepted.
A surrogate receives independent legal advice, is required to make a will and carry life insurance.
It’s preferred she has as many children as she wants so if the surrogate pregnancy affects her ability to conceive again, she’ll have no regrets.
They want a woman who has easy pregnancies and deliveries. During the time insemination takes place, she and her partner are asked to abstain from intercourse.
A Canadian royal commission on reproductive technology advised against paying women to be surrogates and suggested the practice be illegal. Westley says non-commercial surrogacy is not realistic. Women must be compensated to cover medical bills, time off work and child-care costs for their own family.
Westley doesn’t favor intra-family surrogacy. Although it preserves genetic links, emotions can get in the way and a brother or sister who contributed sperm, eggs or a womb may feel they have a say in the child’s future, leading to family conflicts.
