I miss those times, and I think that my wife does too. The kids are gone now. There is just the two of us and we do not know what to do with each other. I think that this must be our midlife crisis, but whatever it is, I don’t like it. What can we do about it?
Things change, don’t they, and because you were such great parents, and did a good job, your kids have grown up to become healthy and independent adults. They do not need you anymore.
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But now you and your wife have a wonderful opportunity to make changes in your life without worrying about what those changes might mean to others in the family.
Some people call this the midlife crisis, but that is probably wrong. It is not like you are facing something desperate. It is more that the opportunity you have been given is confusing and you are uncertain how to deal with it.
Let’s call this the midlife transition and recognize that you and your wife have work to do. The first item of business is to make sure your marriage is OK. People often don’t spend much time together and alone when they are raising their children. Once the kids have grown and left home, Mom and Dad are often a bit like strangers passing in the night. They need to rediscover those exciting moments that sparked their marriage in the first place.
The two of you also need to check your personal goals, which might need to be changed. That big house that you wanted to build to make everyone comfortable may no longer be an issue. Neither do you need a little more revenue from running a larger farm.
You might find that you would prefer to get more involved in your community, do a little travelling, have special times with your grandchildren or take some courses offered by your local community college.
Options are there for you but the hard part is figuring out who you are without the children, and what it is that you really want to do.
The danger at midlife is that you or your wife might become depressed. If sleeping and eating are problems for either of you, or if you start feeling hopeless and despondent, perhaps even suicidal, you need to talk to your physician.
She can refer you to a mental health therapist while making sure that you are using the appropriate medication. All of it works together to make sure the opportunities you have been given are not lost to feelings of despair.
