Q: Our son was sent home from school the other day, along with a note saying that he would not be allowed back into the classroom until we had made arrangements for him to see a counsellor.
He does not want to go into counselling, and we do not see the need for it.
He is generally a good boy, he gets reasonable marks in school, he is involved in sports and other community activities, he seems to have a nice group of friends and he follows our family rules as much as any 12-year-old kid.
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Something appears to be going on between him and his teacher and that is getting him into trouble. The school says that he swore at her yesterday and that he later had a heated argument in the principal’s office, thus the school suspension.
We want our boy back in school without going to counselling. Do you have any suggestions?
A: Counselling is always a great option for helping your son but it will only work when you and he see merit in it.
You need a detailed report of what your boy was doing in the classroom that started the problem.
A young boy I once knew used to tap his pencils on his desk incessantly. The noise from his tapping, constant and disturbing, drove both his teachers and other students crazy.
He was not aware he was tapping while working or reading. The boy ended up in the principal’s office, where he was sent home, not for tapping but for sassing the principal. Had the counsellor focused only on the boy and the principal, she would have missed the original source of the problem.
The counsellor, school and family worked with the boy to help him break his habit.
He was then able to progress favourably through school without annoying either the teachers or his classmates.
You and your son’s teachers need to review what he has been doing that was disruptive. The more precise you can be about the original complaint, the more your son can be helped.
One option is seeing a counsellor. A second option is supporting the teacher as she works through her classroom management skills to help your son in class.
A third option is working with him at home to help him resolve whatever he does in class that is annoying.
It may take considerable effort for you and the school to help your son break a habit.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.
