Overcoming addiction to pornography – Speaking of Life

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Published: May 1, 2008

Q: When we were visiting my parents the other day I caught my father watching pornography on his computer. He was pretty flustered when I caught him. He claimed that he accidentally fell into this website. But I do not believe him and I suspect that my dad is addicted to pornography. I do not know what to do about it.

A: Addiction to pornography is not something with which I am familiar, so I searched for some information.

I realized I better start becoming more aware of this addiction as I found it is a more widespread problem than I imagined. Of course we will never know exactly how many people watch pornography or how many people are addicted to it. Most of them try to keep it secret. But the pornographic industry is huge, and that suggests many people are attracted to it.

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So who is watching pornography? The tendency is to think that old men, grieving their losses in their sexual performances, are the most likely addicts. But that is only partially true. Researchers are finding that young people between the ages of 12 and 17 years are high consumers of pornography, so parents of adolescent children need to be diligent monitors of what their children are doing on their computers.

The frightening reality is that pornography involves the direct degradation of another person. Without the degradation, pornography does not exist.

Pornography is used by the addict to avoid personal feelings of hurt and disappointment, perhaps even failure. It is easier for consumers of pornography to watch someone else suffer than it is for them to admit to their own weaknesses. Pornography is most likely watched by people who have empty and meaningless lives rather than those who have rewarding and satisfying relationships.

People who are vulnerable to pornographic addiction tend to work in high demand, stressful jobs, without getting a great deal of satisfaction. They also tend to work independently and are likely prone to feeling lonely, angry and bored. They come in all ages and from all social settings.

I learned that addiction to pornography can be cured. It is not as simple as turning off either the television set or the computer. It involves a significant change in the addict’s lifestyle. He or she needs to learn to relate to other people more effectively, to deal with personal stress more efficiently and to challenge boredom more creatively.

If your father is willing to work on his addictions, you can help him overcome his compulsion. Maybe it is as simple as encouraging him to get professional help.

Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan who has taught social work at two universities. Mail correspondence in care of Western Producer, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or e-mail jandrews@producer.com.

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